Train Up Tuesday: THE Greatest Love of All

There has been so much to say about Ms. Whitney Houston's death. Much of it reflects sadness not only on how many of us presume she passed, but also over how she chose to live much of her life. She provided so many "anthems" that are considered the "gold standard" in music now. Unfortunately, between the lines of her songs and her life is clearly marked sadness and loneliness unsuccessfully veiled with false self-confidence. And even more unfortunately, these songs really are anthems for this generation.

Consider today "The Greatest Love of All", it speaks of how children today need to be taught well and led, how in her own search for a "hero", she found no one to meet her needs and found loneliness as a result. In attempt to take care of herself, she looked to herself to find that the "greatest love" is "learning to love yourself". Sadly, in the end, she learned that this was not enough after all.

Is this enough for our children? Looking to themselves for their safety, love, acceptance? There HAS to be more that we can teach them! Well, I have GREAT news, WE CAN teach them and show them a better way!

Do you know THE Greatest Love of all? Of course, I'm talking about Christ, primarily. But there is something more I want to share. If you are married, it is your marriage relationship. Read Ephesians 5:22-29 for full context, but read this quote by John Piper:

The main meaning of marriage is to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. In other words, marriage was designed by God most deeply, most importantly, to be a parable or a drama of the way Christ loves his church and the way the church loves and follows Christ. This is the most important thing for all husbands and wives to know about the meaning of their marriage.

"Marriage Is Meant for Making Children...Disciples of Jesus, Part 1." (Sermon delivered on June 10, 2007).

I came across this during our youth group's Sunday night gatherings. We are using a resource from "Children Desiring God."

Teaching our children to love, value, and respect the marriage covenant IS the way we can teach them and lead them in the greatest love of all and in leading others towards that. Are you valuing that relationship? Are you doing everything to protect it and honor it, to make it of primary importance to your family? Are you preserving it for your children's sake and the sake of the unchurched? I've mentioned it here before, that Titus 2 isn't there just so we can have happy homes for our own sakes, but so that God's Word isn't dishonored. Do we really believe that?

One of my awesome girls in my 10th-12th grade small group that I am humbled to lead brought up something quite profound. We were discussing Satan's lies and how he makes the "traditional" family look unnecessary or lacking. I asked them why they thought Satan fights so hard to tear down the traditional family and makes divorce look acceptable and desirable. One dear girl said (and I paraphrase poorly), that Satan hates the picture of Christ loving the Church for eternity despite their shortcomings. He seeks to destroy that testimony to the world so that the world won't believe that Christ could really love them that much.

Wow! This is one girl who IS being led properly in her home and is learning to have that Christian worldview. And she is right. Satan does want to fight tooth and nail to blind us and the world to God's love and perfect plan.

Let me leave you with a slightly more inspirational song that you may hear today, in light of the greatest love of all. The message isn't perfect, but if you can "redeem" the lyrics in light of Christ's love for the Church and our love for Him, maybe you'll think a little differently next time you hear "I Was Made to Love Her". Take it, Stevie:

Train Up Tuesday: My 3 Sons

Chris Kale Photography

I love being a mom, for so many reasons (although from recent posts you've learned what an exhausting job it can be!). One of the things I love about relationships that God allows us to experience (friendships, marriage, parenthood) is how it can cause us to wonder about God's relationship with us.

Recently, now that I have 3 boys with 3 personalities and various needs, I've been praying (quite earnestly) about making sure that God makes up the difference in the attention and time that I give to each child. I love them all so much, but sometimes I fear that one may lack in the attention he needs from momma.

My oldest child is in his second year of homeschool. That means he gets lots of attention from me (thought not always my completely undivided attention). He thrives on learning and doing new things.

My youngest child is a newly walking toddler, into everything, exploring everything, and still needing mommy for lots of things (especially attention). I love the "newness" of this relationship and discovering his personality.

Then, there is my precious middle son, and if you have a "middle" you know what I mean. He sometimes will observe classtime lessons and do the activities to the best of his ability, but usually he wants to get into something other than what is on task. :) He often gets "into trouble", "on my nerves" (asking for things that I can't do at that moment), or like at this VERY moment he is under my arm shaking my hand as I type making an otherwise easy task quite difficult. But....I love him for it. And I know he probably lacks in getting the most attention. So, I have to be purposeful in taking him with me on errands (alone), letting him help me in the kitchen (though it takes at least twice as long), and just holding his hand while walking through the house to let him know I know he is there, and I am there for him.

I wonder if God lets us see this as parents to maybe let us catch a glimpse of Him. We all are in different parts of our walk with Him. Are we deep in His Word, learning about Him, walking with Him and thriving in that each day? Are we new in Christ and relishing in all that the newness brings? Or maybe we feel like we are missing out on something (whether or not it is of our on doing). Yes, sometimes the nearness we feel to Christ is a result of correction, but sometimes it can be His presence as we seemingly struggle in finding where we "fit" with Him and His family.

Regardless of where we are "in THE family", it is so reassuring to know that God wants to draw near to us and will use any means necessary to bring us to that point. Yes, He indeed draws near to those who draw near to Him.

My sweet middle son is indeed striving to draw near to mom, and though I may not be able to give him the same attention as his brothers, I desire to be near him, too. And, though through different methods, I do just that.

If you feel yourself as a mom, struggling to keep balance with your babies and their needs for your attention, pray to the Father to help you make up the difference and that HE would make up the difference in their lives as well.

And take time to thank Christ for wherever you are in your relationship with Him. Seek to draw near to Him and thank Him for how He expresses His love towards you, even though it may not look just like the way He is expressing it to someone else. "Oh, how He loves us!"

Blessings,

Ashlie

Train Up Tuesday: More Than Tolerant Part 2

Last week we talked about "tolerance" and our hopes that our children will see that we truly LOVE them because they are a joy and a blessing. That is the first step in teaching them to be beyond tolerant.

We can also be proactive and intentional in providing opportunities to share God's love....and that He isn't merely a "tolerant" god but, rather, the God of Love. Maybe it looks like this in a child...helping open doors for strangers or carrying groceries for that mom in the parking lot who has her hands full, making cards for shut-ins, raking a neighbors yard or helping to weed. It's teaching them to be honest (like when you are given back too much money at the register), to engage those they come into contact with (yeah, there are times you SHOULD talk to strangers!...ask them how they are doing today; sometimes it opens the door for the gospel), smile at people, be a reflection of The Light.

Behind the "public eye", "being intentional" might be praying for people that it's "hard to love" and also those who the child feels needs extra prayers or working on their own character issues. Perhaps you have boys who need to work on their arrogance and boasting or rudeness (see 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5) or girls who need to learn to rejoice when others rejoice (instead of being envious?).

The point is to be proactive in this teaching. I think that failure to do so will make them like everyone else in society....merely tolerant.

What are some verses that come to your mind that we can teach our kids to "live out"? Do you have any suggestions for practical, daily applications of showing LOVE to friends, family, strangers?

Get that comment role going! ;-)

Much LOVE,
Ashlie

Train Up Tuesday: More Than Tolerant

Do you know the difference between tolerance and love?

As a society we are told to be tolerant. That's the mark of an educated person, supposedly. But tolerating a person is a far cry from really loving them. Tolerating is something most of us can do, after all, it's really nothing more than just putting up with something or someone. In fact, the first entry for “tolerance” in Merriam-Webster is “capacity to endure pain or hardship,” the further definitions relate to “allowances in deviations” from one’s own preferences. While that may be “noble”, it’s hardly a strong definition for “love”.

I don't want to teach tolerance in my home. That's not enough! As you know though, the most effective way to teach is modeling behavior.

Unfortunately, though, it seems that the idea of mere tolerance has crept into the parenting ideas of many families that I have seen....and at times even in my own home. I'm talking about just tolerating my children rather than really being an example of God's love to them.

How can I tell if I’m tolerating rather than really loving them? Do I sigh when they ask their many questions and need help with the little things? Or am I ready to feed their hungry minds and to serve them? Do I serve cheerfully or is it an obvious sense of duty? Do they know my sacrifice in being a mother by what they see or because I choose to remind them and everyone else anytime I get the chance? Am I constantly looking for “me time” to get away from everyone and to discover things on my own or am I looking for opportunities to share life and discoveries with my family?

These are a few questions to consider....that I have had to consider and revisit on a regular basis. I want to do more than “tolerate” these little blessings God has bestowed on me and I want them to sense it. My children are not a “hardship” to “endure”. If I ever start reacting in a way that says otherwise, I certainly need to take this to my Father.

Much love!
Ashlie

Train Up Tuesday: Valentines to the Forgotten

I've really enjoyed seeing the many posts about Valentines Day. We have some very creative and crafty ladies! I'm hoping to make a photo frame inspired by Hannah's vase. Be sure to scroll to "older posts" to see what all the ladies of the Roof have been up to lately!

Are you making or buying Valentine cards this year? I've seen some really cute ideas on marthastewart.com and on familyfun.com. It makes me wanna do them all! :) We are making valentines at our house. This year, we are using doilies, stickers, glitter...all that fun stuff. I wanted to do something "special" and meaningful to mark the day, too. James 1:27 kept coming to my mind and we take so much time to care for orphans during Christmas; I thought this would be a good time to reach out to widows. My own mother was a widow for a short period when my brother and I were small children, so these precious people (widows) are close to my heart. My mother-in-law works in a nursing home, so I thought that would be a PERFECT outlet for our cards. A chance to bring a smile and encourage them with God's love.

Have you gals come across the "VALENTINE" in John 3:16? I came across it several years ago and just love it. You basically just print out the verse, but letters are lined up so that you spell out VALENTINE (hidden in the verse). We decided to use this on the cards my boys and I made.


I just want to encourage you to spread a little of God's love during the special "love-day". I'm sure you are already good about doing that anyway, but perhaps in making or sending valentines you could also use it as an opportunity to send something to a "forgotten" one. Widows, soldiers, shut-ins. There is a great list of folks who would love the gesture, I'm sure! Share your ideas with us, please!

Xoxo,
Ashlie

Train Up Tuesday: Cuddlebugs

One of the things I love about having 3 boys is having 3 boys to cuddle with! :) One of the things that's hard about having 3 boys is making time to cuddle with each one. But, I think it's so important (not too mention, just plain precious!).

Cuddling gives special attention to each child. Each night before bed, I used to cuddle with my oldest as his little brother was being put to bed. Shortly before the birth of my third son, I saw the importance of letting the 2 older boys alternate cuddle nights with Mommy as their Daddy put the other to bed. When the newest baby boy arrived 3 months ago, it was hard at first, because that time always seemed to be needed for tending to him and his needs. We are back to our cuddle times now, thankfully, and the boys thrive in it (as do their Momma). They look forward to "their" night with me, and I get to squeeze and kiss them and tell them what I love about them.

Cuddling also helps soothe one who has been wronged and show love to one who has wronged. Sometimes when there has been a squabble (okay, a FIGHT!) between them, the one who has been wronged obviously needs attention (because they are usually the one crying first)....but the one who has wronged needs loving attention, too that speaks forgiveness and provides as close as an expression to unconditional love that we can give as parents.

One other thing I love about cuddling (and there are too many to post!) is the sense of trust that we establish with our little ones and the opportunities to teach that it provides. We all know that when they become preteens they begin to pull away a little, and by the time they are teenagers the mouths that we couldn't get to stop asking questions and talking to us about crazy things as little kids gets quiet and almost refuses to open up! I'm learning to use these quiet moments to verbally express my thoughts to each one, to talk to them about things they may not be ready to hear in the "heat of a moment" (i.e. when they are in trouble), and to hear their own thoughts about anything (as silly as it may be from a 2 and 5 year old).

I'm encouraged by the story of one mom that shared with my sis-in-law who is a hairstylist. They were talking about the struggles of getting little ones to sleep and this mom admitted that she would lay with her daughter each night until she fell asleep. When questioned and challenged by others about this being a potentially bad habit, this mother with emotion of any caring mother said that it was more than just getting her to sleep and having cuddle time with her. It was a time that the daughter felt that safety of being able to be herself and tell her mom ANYTHING. Fast forward about 20 years later, and when the daughter would come home from college for visits, she would lay on her old bed with her mom and tell her of her woes and hopes.

THAT is what I'm hoping for with my babies! They'll be teenagers and then adults soon enough and if I wait until then to get them talking and trusting, it will likely be too late!

One other thing I want to leave you with today that you can ponder over yourself is this: look closely at the paragraphs above and your relationship with your HEAVENLY Father. He is waiting for this time to "cuddle" with you, too ;-) It may even be when your head hits your pillow and you share your own woes, hopes, and gratitude with Him. As you cuddle with your babies, think about how you are mirroring a Spiritual love that you have with your Father and what you can begin teaching your children.

Taking time to cuddle,
Ashlie

Train Up Tuesday: "Love Is..." Ouch!

A few weeks ago, for Father’s Day, I wrote a post on honoring our husbands (children’s fathers). I’ve tried to apply what I taught (rather learned) by watching my tone and response to my husband. It seems that my children are picking it up and don’t use those tones as much, now.

However (you felt that coming, right), I’ve noticed another area within myself that needs improvement regarding responses to others. And that is my response to my children. Now, I’m not a mom who allows “stupid” or “idiot” or words like that around my house. I truly enjoy sharing life with my little guys. But, there are those days when the 1000 questions leave me exasperated! So much so, that even when I hear “Mommy” in a tone that I know is leading to a question or if I get interrupted on my fifth attempt to finish a 4 sentence conversation with someone...my initial reaction is “(SIGH)...what is it?!” (said in a not-so-inviting tone). I really just want to roll my eyes and say “What, what, what, what, whhhhaaaatttt?!!!”.

Although I don’t do the eye roll (because that is NOT something I want to see), I’ve been a little to careless with my reactionary responses lately. I know that part of it is probably the age that the boys are (4 y.o. and 2 y.o.) and my exhaustion with my pregnancy (I’m “very” pregnant). Yet, I myself haven’t been pleased at how I am exhibiting Christ lately with my little “disciples” in training regardless of how valid my reasons are. Besides that, I’m starting to see the frustration of hearing me ask them to do something in their responses, too (at least, with my 4 y.o.).

I was hit smack in the middle of the head the other night when I read my nightly reading...it was the “Love” chapter of 1 Corinthians 13. You know..."love is patient, kind..." Honestly, it’s pretty tough getting past “patient” some days. But then, in reading the English Standard Version, I came to the phrase...”love is...not...irritable.” I knew I didn’t even need to look up “irritable”...but I did: “easily exasperated or excited”. I knew I was guilty of being “easily exasperated”. Again, I am fully aware that being tired or stressed leads to irritability, but in my heart, I was also pierced with the realization that something of Love is not perfected in me.

So, with tears, I repented in prayer. I haven’t quite arrived. But now I’m aware that the problem isn’t necessarily my children and their endless questions but it lies within me...even if it is just being stressed. It’s not something I need to take out on my children, but something I should work on and lay at the feet of Christ. So, with humility, and sometimes stressed-out tears, I’ve prayed about it (even out loud in front of the kids). And I’ve apologized to them. It’s probably something I’ll have to do over and over (like “rinse & repeat”), but hopefully it will show the kids how to deal with their stresses, too.

This doesn’t mean I’m not irritated anymore...but I can choose the response that I give.
I also learned that “The Love Dare” book has a chapter on this very topic (Day 6) to help with more understanding of this phrase and how it relates more specifically toward your spouse.

So, how are you handling “irritations”? :)

Much love (hopefully being perfected),
Ashlie

Train Up Tuesday: Lovey Fun

With Valentine’s Day coming up, I thought I’d share some of the activities we’ve been working on at our home to encourage you to get creative with your little ones.

This first idea I found on Chasing Cheerios. It’s basically a tub that is (supposed to be) filled with sand or rice. I didn’t have enough of anything, so it’s a little dried oatmeal, grits, lentils, and rice :) My boys have always like playing in dried foods (like an indoor sandbox), and with this activity, you can switch out treasures to find throughout the year. For Valentines, we have foam hearts, erasers, rings, and confetti. The boys dig to find their treasures (sometimes there is a wrapped chocolate in there, too)!

If you’ve had a baby in the last few years, you may already get the weekly emails from babycenter.com (if you aren’t it’s a good resource for tracking your child’s development and it offers fun activities for their age). This week, they mentioned making heart shaped crayons using scrap crayons and melting them in silicone molds (Target sometimes sells these in their Dollar Spot around Valentine’s Day). My 4 year old helped peel the paper and my 22 month old was able to help with breaking the crayons. You can get detailed instructions here.

Voila! I wish I would have saved up enough crayons (or bought a box when they were on sale with back-to-school) to have been able to make these as Valentine’s gifts for the boys’ friends. Maybe next year.

Speaking of Valentine’s gifts/cards, the last 3 years, I’ve used my boys’ handprints/fingerprints in making their cards for the family. I wish I had photos of them to share with you, but I took the ideas from things I found in Oriental Trading magazines, which, by the way, you can also find online. If you go to their site and search the term “handprint” you will find lots of inspiration for your own cards. One year, we made our own version of this handprint heart and last year we made this ASL symbol for “I love you” inspired by this pin.

This year, we’ve made our own version of this card. I really like the phrase for the front of the card. On the inside of our card, I have both of the boys’ hands (one as a handprint from the toddler and the other as hand tracing from the preschooler). I have a feeling that it will be especially meaningful to the great-grandparents who don’t live close by.

Finally, one last thing. Here is a video of our family's favorite little “lovey” song. It’s a song by The Roots band called “Lovely Love My Family”.

Have a happy Valentine’s! (hey, I know it’s considered a “fake holiday” created by the greeting card families, but sometimes we need a little boost to remind us to how important our friends and family are to us, right?)

Much love,

Ashlie

Training Up Tuesday: Love Tokens for Your Child

Last week we spoke about teaching our children to express love through thank you notes and love letters. Did you help your child follow through on it? If so, did both your child and the receiver of the letter beam with joy at this small, yet precious token?

This week, let’s turn the tables a little. Let’s put an unexpected smile on the little ones!

Some moms put love notes in their kiddo’s lunchbox for school. There are SO many creative ways to do this from what I’ve seen. There are a few really cute notes you can find online by googling “lunchbox notes” and can print onto paper or stickers. Check out these adorable fruit labels. Of course, there’s nothing like a simple handwritten note, either. Perhaps, you write or draw something silly for your little wise guy. Maybe you write lyrics to a favorite song for your music lover. Or perhaps you know your precious one is having a tough time, having a difficult test that day, or just needs to be reminded of the encouragement we can find in God’s love letter to us! Write out a scripture to help them get through that day. Lunchbox notes create a connectedness when they aren’t with us (hmmmm...sounds like what God’s Word does for us, too). They also help to

build a love for reading.

Maybe, like me, you have a “pre-reader”. Last year, I let my little guy, Mr. C (who was 2 going on 3 years of age) go to a preschool program 2 days a week for 3 hours per day. He had a lunch time and I wanted to send love notes, but he couldn’t read yet. So, instead of traditional love notes, I put thought into his food. Perhaps it was cutting his vienna sausages (please, no hate letters on that!) into trains or octopuses (which became easier with time!) or sandwiches into various favorite shapes with the aid of cookie cutters. Sometimes it was stickers or a drawing on his napkin. He loves cuckoo clocks, so I have even made a sandwich into that (sort of).

As I mentioned last week, my husband goes through seasons of travel. We looked for something he could do or collect to mark each trip and to let the little ones know he was thinking of them. We didn’t want it to be costly, but things like collecting a rock or shell from a destination weren’t as easy to do as we thought either. Eventually, I came across this idea to create a flip book using postcards, a hole punch, and binding rings. Even if my husband never leaves the hotel or convention center, he can almost certainly find postcards at the airport or hotel before leaving. You can often find postcards for a quarter! If it is a long trip, he mails the cards to us, which always makes going to the mailbox a treat. But even if he simply brings the cards home in his bag, it is always something the boys look forward to.

The book is simple to make. First, collect your cards; then, you can laminate them, if you prefer. Punch two holes in one card first, as your “guide card”. Make sure all cards line up with the “guide card” before punching holes in them, too. The last step is to insert your binding rings through the stack. This is a book that can expand with time. It’s also a great tool to use when teaching geography. You can point on a map where daddy has been (or let them hold an appropriate map puzzle piece) and show the post card from that trip. You will be surprised how this gets soaked into their memory!

These are just a couple of everyday ways to let your little one know you are thinking of them even when they aren’t with you. What creative, inexpensive ideas have you come across that you use?

Train Up Tuesday: Snail Mail Expressions of Gratitude and Love

It’s an age of all things electronic when it comes to almost all forms of communication - instant messaging, texting, Skyping, Facebook. Good, old fashioned letters and cards seem to fade from thought, yet who doesn’t just love it when a “thank you” or love letter is written in pen or even crayon and delivered unexpectedly? I say “unexpectedly” because it seems so much faster and easier and normal to type/text/Facebook.

I want to give you a few ideas on how to teach your little one the value of these types of notes. First, consider the simple “thank-you” card. After my husband and I were married, I tried to be intentional on getting out thank-you cards to those who bestowed their love in gifts to honor our marriage celebration. I never “seemed to have time” to do them all at once, so I did what I could when I could. I thought I had gotten them all out until MONTHS...and I mean MANY months later, I found probably 30 or so under the seat of my car (oh, did I just say that?! Guess now you know how often I was cleaning out my car, too)! YIKES! I was embarrassed...too embarrassed to give those cards out even at that point! That was a kick in the right direction, however. When my oldest son was born, notes went out a little quicker...but come on, I was a new mommy and hadn’t quite adjusted my time management (still working on that, too by the way). For his first birthday, though, I took extra care and time to have his photo made with a message “from him” thanking people for helping make his day special and handed them out as guests would leave the party or would mail them to the few who mailed birthday wishes to him. It was evidently a hit. I would go to friends’ homes and see that thank you on their refrigerator. Now, I do it each year for both my boys.

Now that my oldest son (whom I’ll refer to as CA) is 3 and loves art (like his momma!), we try to be diligent to send thank-yous to anyone who gives him something or does something that he is grateful for. I’m already seeing appreciation develop in him. He will say “thank you” voluntarily for things to people, which is what we all want in training our children. We don’t want to have to tell our little ones to say thank you; we want to train them to do that themselves without our prompting.

A second idea is simple letters of love to just make someone’s day. For most of our married life, when I haven’t been able to go on a trip with my husband, I send letters with him for each night he’s away. He says it’s the part he most looks forward to during his trips. Before kids, the letters were mushy, gushy, and sometimes a page long. Now, I’m happy to have a 2 sentence coherent thought to write; not that I love him less, but let’s face it, it’s a little difficult it to complete a sentence with little ones around you. I like our letters now, more than ever, because they are sprinkled with crayon markings, stickers, and other sweet surprises. CA helps me with these notes now for “Daddy”. This year, we started something new. A blank book for CA to draw/write in and for me to write in as well. I bought these fabulous, inexpensive blank books here. We are almost through with the first book. My husband has loved his special book! He told me he often runs his hands across the pages to feel the impressions that his boy has made while drawing for him. In a day where Skype is a great tool, it still doesn’t replace the connection that my husband feels by touching what his son has made. CA is earnest about making sure we write in “Daddy’s book”. He’s equally driven to make certain that daddy doesn’t forget to read it each night he’s away. (My husband does his part to return his love as well, but I hope to share that with you in the coming weeks.)

Now don’t get me wrong, I get happy to see my inbox lit up like most of you, but I’ll take the feel of crayon on construction paper ANY day!

So what creative ways do you have for helping your little ones learn the art and appreciation for writing/drawing letters? How do you help teach them the value of expressing gratefulness and love to others? Post links to your favorite ideas, please.