Love is not envious (1 Corinthians 13:4). Wikipedia defines envy as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's(perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it." Envy is the opposite of generous. It is a feeling of ill will to those who are equal to us. Envy leads to hate or a covetous desire for something.
If we place envy in the context of marriage it looks very ugly, childish and selfish. The loveless marriage is often because we chose to be at war with our spouse and at war with anything good in his life. It can be as simple as being envious that my husband "gets" to ride to and from work in his truck everyday with no kids and no distractions. On the other hand the envy can root deeply and stem from the feeling of inadequecy a stay at home mom feels as she gives up career and paycheck to "stay" home and take care of the children and the domestic duties. Envy can lead to bitterness and contempt towards our husbands. There is no good fruit that comes from a bitter woman who focuses in on what she doesn't have.
Love is not envious. Love IS generous. Love looks the good things in our husbands lives and motivates us to celebrate those things! Here are some applications for today:
1) Pray and ask God to reveal areas you may be envious of your husband.
2) Admit to yourself, confess to God and to your husband where you have resented something good in his life.
3) Celebrate your husband and his good fortune today! Do something to show your appreciation for him and remind him (and yourself) of the character traits you were drawn to him in the beginning days of your relationship.
Remember, we are all in the process of change and growth. Truth sets us free as does honesty with ourselves and vulnerability in our marriages!
With grace and love,
Annie
Showing posts with label Safeguard your Spouse Sunday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Safeguard your Spouse Sunday. Show all posts
Monday, August 22, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Love is Kind
The greatest commandment Jesus himself taught us is to Love the Lord with all our heart, soul and mind and to love others as we love ourselves. Love is a multifacitated noun that is broken down for us in 1 Corinthians 13. Over the next few weeks I will continue to go through God's top ten on love.
Last week (actually 2 weeks ago) we saw the attitude of love is patient and now we see that with that attitude there is another attitude with an action. The second attribute of love we find in 1 Corinthians 13 is "kind". The action is to be kind. What does that mean? To be kind is to act with good deeds towards others. To be kind is to expressing goodwill towards someone else. It is to think about what gives someone else pleasure. In order to act kind towards someone we must have an attitude of benevolence. The actions shown in love are intended for benefiting others rather than profiting for ourselves.
The opposite of kind is cruel. This brings to mind the fictional character Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmatians. Cruella's name is a play on the words cruel and devil. Most of us have watched as she plays the villian in this Disney animated film. Cruella's goal is to steal puppies and then slaughter and skin them. Of course through a series of events, the puppies outsmart the villian and good overcomes evil. Cruella was only interested in her own financial gain without regard to those she was stealing from and the puppies she was disposing of. I share this to paint a picture of what the opposite of kind can look like.
In thinking ahead ask your self the following questions:
1) Who am I to love today?
2) Are my actions benevolent towards this person?
3) What relationships am I not being kind?
Father,
We love and adore you. You are the great "I am". Your ways are perfect and your love is without error. Thank you for always being kind. We know that kindness sometimes is letting us grow through our mistakes and always being present with your hand outstretch for us to reach back up to you. Reveal in my heart today where I am not being kind, change me Lord.
Amen
Loving you all!
Annie
Last week (actually 2 weeks ago) we saw the attitude of love is patient and now we see that with that attitude there is another attitude with an action. The second attribute of love we find in 1 Corinthians 13 is "kind". The action is to be kind. What does that mean? To be kind is to act with good deeds towards others. To be kind is to expressing goodwill towards someone else. It is to think about what gives someone else pleasure. In order to act kind towards someone we must have an attitude of benevolence. The actions shown in love are intended for benefiting others rather than profiting for ourselves.
The opposite of kind is cruel. This brings to mind the fictional character Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmatians. Cruella's name is a play on the words cruel and devil. Most of us have watched as she plays the villian in this Disney animated film. Cruella's goal is to steal puppies and then slaughter and skin them. Of course through a series of events, the puppies outsmart the villian and good overcomes evil. Cruella was only interested in her own financial gain without regard to those she was stealing from and the puppies she was disposing of. I share this to paint a picture of what the opposite of kind can look like.
In thinking ahead ask your self the following questions:
1) Who am I to love today?
2) Are my actions benevolent towards this person?
3) What relationships am I not being kind?
Father,
We love and adore you. You are the great "I am". Your ways are perfect and your love is without error. Thank you for always being kind. We know that kindness sometimes is letting us grow through our mistakes and always being present with your hand outstretch for us to reach back up to you. Reveal in my heart today where I am not being kind, change me Lord.
Amen
Loving you all!
Annie
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Love is Patient
It has been a long while since I sat down to share what the Lord has been teaching me here at RWAV. I am glad to be back with the Roof With a View audience and hope to bring encouragement in your marriage and life journey today!
There are many great things that God has given us but there is one that sums it all up... LOVE. The greatest commandment is love God and loves others as you love yourself - Matthew 22:36-40. Simple.
I would like to start with the first characteristic we find in 1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient." Patient is the "attitude" of love. It is not in a hurry. It is ready when called on. It is calm.
Apply this today. First in your marriage. Second with your children. Third to every other person who falls into the category of "your neighbor" (hint: that is anyone in your vicinity!). Here are a few questions to ask yourself in the context of each of these relationships:
Love,
Annie
There are many great things that God has given us but there is one that sums it all up... LOVE. The greatest commandment is love God and loves others as you love yourself - Matthew 22:36-40. Simple.
I would like to start with the first characteristic we find in 1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient." Patient is the "attitude" of love. It is not in a hurry. It is ready when called on. It is calm.
Apply this today. First in your marriage. Second with your children. Third to every other person who falls into the category of "your neighbor" (hint: that is anyone in your vicinity!). Here are a few questions to ask yourself in the context of each of these relationships:
1) In my attitude toward _______ am I in a hurry or do I slow down and take time to listen?
2) In my attitude toward _______ am I ready when called on or are they "interrupting" my plans?
3) In my attitude toward _______ am I calm or am I anxious?Don't beat yourself up if you are impatient to those you love. Take a moment and ask the Lord to help "prick" you when you do not have an attitude of love and patience towards God and towards others. We must depend on Him daily and know that we will be at His feet often accepting the forgiveness He has freely given us! God is the great example of love and patience. He is outside out time and He is not in a hurry with anything or anyone!
Love,
Annie
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Safeguard your Spouse Sunday: Enjoying Intimacy Part 2
This guest post from Natalie is a follow-up to Part 1 published here and orignally posted on Passionate Homemaking.
You ladies surprised me! I was overwhelmed by the number of comments on my previous post from women who feel they have stronger sexual drives than their husbands. I am sincerely sorry many of you seem to feel alone! Here’s my follow-up, for all you “high-drive” ladies!
I totally agree with many of you, that it’s pretty uncommon to hear about wives who have a stronger drive than their husbands, or who feel sexually unfulfilled. It’s a shame you feel good teachers and books are silent on this topic. It’s a reality, and there’s nothing wrong with speaking frankly about it.
I’d also like to say, without a lot of detail, that I have walked in those shoes, some. I can relate to that situation, although there are many nuances that make each marital relationship so very different from another. I hope that qualifies me enough to write on this!
Desire Factories: Manufactured for God!
Ladies, we’re all desire factories of some sort. Some of us have high emotional needs. Some of us are intellectual, aka brainy. Some prefer hugs. Some love sex! Most of us are a blend of all of them.
No matter what kind of “desire factory” each of us is, we all have the same basic desire: connection. Intimacy. Hear me now: intimacy can be manifested in many different ways, but whether emotional, sexual, physical, or mental, it’s all about connection.
The problem is we’ve all been fooled about who we’re manufacturing for. So many of us look to our husbands, or boyfriends, or whoever. Those desires belong first to God. The ultimate, highest, purest desire produced in you is meant for God. You were made to be fulfilled in him. First. Exclusively.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works. (Psalm 73)
Is it wrong to want closeness with your husband, emotional or physical? It depends. Do you need it from him? Do you demand it from him? Do you sometimes feel ashamed because you can hardly do without it?
I hope not. Because frankly ladies, he’s not built to give you perfect connection and intimacy. GOD IS.
God wants your thoughts consumed with him through the day, and as you lay your head down at night. (“There’s nothing on earth I desire besides you God…”)
He wants you looking through (not past or over) your physical and emotional desires, to see your deep soul need to be reconnected to Him. (”My flesh and heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and portion forever.")
He wants you obsessed with the perpetual gift he gives you in Jesus, the perfect stand-in to close the intimacy gap between you and Him. You created that gap, and he closes it. (“I have made the Lord God my refuge…”)
He wants you to keep making desires, and send them straight up to him. He won’t miss one. Neither will you.
Don’t Be A Drip
If your husband is being forced to field desire after desire from you (which were meant first for God) he has three options:
1. Check out. He knows he can’t do it. So he won’t even try.
2. Try, and resent you. He will grow angry with you for the excessive burdens you place on him.
3. Love you by correcting you and making sure his desires are first met in God.
No matter what he does, you won’t be happy with any of those choices will you? If you direct all your desires toward your husband, you basically want him to be perfect…like God!
He won’t be happy…and you won’t be happy. Your only course of action toward an “underperforming” husband is to tell him so….over and over, till it changes. A wife could nag about anything…even sex!
Poor guy! Don’t be like the lady in this verse: “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike.” (Prov. 27:15) What a drip!
God’s Not a Vending Machine
So maybe you’re thinking, as I sometimes do, “Maybe if I grow that close to God, my marriage will be more satisfying.”
Here’s what I tell myself: “No, No, NO!” That’s all wrong.
Perhaps as you become a freer, happier, more peaceful and contented person, it will bring good things to bear on your marriage.
Maybe not. The question is, will God still and always be “the strength of your heart and your portion forever?” Will you trust that whatever your marriage situation, you can rest and be satisfied with whatever comes from his hand? Is Jesus Christ a symbol and signpost to you of God’s good plan for you in every area of your life?
He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:32)
Can you even trust him with your sexual satisfaction, at least the part beyond your control? It’s in his hands, and he “graciously gives us all things!” Whatever you have, it’s good, because it’s from God.
Let’s Get Practical
I’m going to refrain from any practical tips here, because there could be so many different circumstances. I thought it most important here to address the posture of our hearts, and trust that God will help each lady personally “flesh” it out. (NO pun intended!)
That said, ladies...once we’ve explored and submitted our hearts to God, there’s always more we can learn and do to improve, as long as we’re not striving after an idol of sorts. So don’t obsess about having a perfect sex life, but by all means, let’s discuss/comment and help each other out.
You ladies surprised me! I was overwhelmed by the number of comments on my previous post from women who feel they have stronger sexual drives than their husbands. I am sincerely sorry many of you seem to feel alone! Here’s my follow-up, for all you “high-drive” ladies!
I totally agree with many of you, that it’s pretty uncommon to hear about wives who have a stronger drive than their husbands, or who feel sexually unfulfilled. It’s a shame you feel good teachers and books are silent on this topic. It’s a reality, and there’s nothing wrong with speaking frankly about it.
I’d also like to say, without a lot of detail, that I have walked in those shoes, some. I can relate to that situation, although there are many nuances that make each marital relationship so very different from another. I hope that qualifies me enough to write on this!
Desire Factories: Manufactured for God!
Ladies, we’re all desire factories of some sort. Some of us have high emotional needs. Some of us are intellectual, aka brainy. Some prefer hugs. Some love sex! Most of us are a blend of all of them.
No matter what kind of “desire factory” each of us is, we all have the same basic desire: connection. Intimacy. Hear me now: intimacy can be manifested in many different ways, but whether emotional, sexual, physical, or mental, it’s all about connection.
The problem is we’ve all been fooled about who we’re manufacturing for. So many of us look to our husbands, or boyfriends, or whoever. Those desires belong first to God. The ultimate, highest, purest desire produced in you is meant for God. You were made to be fulfilled in him. First. Exclusively.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works. (Psalm 73)
Is it wrong to want closeness with your husband, emotional or physical? It depends. Do you need it from him? Do you demand it from him? Do you sometimes feel ashamed because you can hardly do without it?
I hope not. Because frankly ladies, he’s not built to give you perfect connection and intimacy. GOD IS.
God wants your thoughts consumed with him through the day, and as you lay your head down at night. (“There’s nothing on earth I desire besides you God…”)
He wants you looking through (not past or over) your physical and emotional desires, to see your deep soul need to be reconnected to Him. (”My flesh and heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and portion forever.")
He wants you obsessed with the perpetual gift he gives you in Jesus, the perfect stand-in to close the intimacy gap between you and Him. You created that gap, and he closes it. (“I have made the Lord God my refuge…”)
He wants you to keep making desires, and send them straight up to him. He won’t miss one. Neither will you.
Don’t Be A Drip
If your husband is being forced to field desire after desire from you (which were meant first for God) he has three options:
1. Check out. He knows he can’t do it. So he won’t even try.
2. Try, and resent you. He will grow angry with you for the excessive burdens you place on him.
3. Love you by correcting you and making sure his desires are first met in God.
No matter what he does, you won’t be happy with any of those choices will you? If you direct all your desires toward your husband, you basically want him to be perfect…like God!
He won’t be happy…and you won’t be happy. Your only course of action toward an “underperforming” husband is to tell him so….over and over, till it changes. A wife could nag about anything…even sex!
Poor guy! Don’t be like the lady in this verse: “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike.” (Prov. 27:15) What a drip!
God’s Not a Vending Machine
So maybe you’re thinking, as I sometimes do, “Maybe if I grow that close to God, my marriage will be more satisfying.”
Here’s what I tell myself: “No, No, NO!” That’s all wrong.
Perhaps as you become a freer, happier, more peaceful and contented person, it will bring good things to bear on your marriage.
Maybe not. The question is, will God still and always be “the strength of your heart and your portion forever?” Will you trust that whatever your marriage situation, you can rest and be satisfied with whatever comes from his hand? Is Jesus Christ a symbol and signpost to you of God’s good plan for you in every area of your life?
He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:32)
Can you even trust him with your sexual satisfaction, at least the part beyond your control? It’s in his hands, and he “graciously gives us all things!” Whatever you have, it’s good, because it’s from God.
Let’s Get Practical
I’m going to refrain from any practical tips here, because there could be so many different circumstances. I thought it most important here to address the posture of our hearts, and trust that God will help each lady personally “flesh” it out. (NO pun intended!)
That said, ladies...once we’ve explored and submitted our hearts to God, there’s always more we can learn and do to improve, as long as we’re not striving after an idol of sorts. So don’t obsess about having a perfect sex life, but by all means, let’s discuss/comment and help each other out.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Safeguard your Spouse Sunday: Fillin' Up Those Loooooooove Tanks!
Yesterday, I listened to a Focus on the Family podcast that featured Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the book, The 5 Love Languages. If you haven’t read this book, I think it’s a must-read for couples. I’ve even found that it has helped me learn how to love other people in my life better (like a sibling, friend or parent) by tuning into to their specific love language.
On this particular broadcast, Dr. Chapman suggested an exercise for married couples to complete once a week. He suggested asking your spouse how full their “Love Tank” is on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest rating. If your spouse says anything less than 10 (which would mean they are soooo filled with love, they couldn’t possibly feel any more love in their life), then the next question he suggests asking is, “What can I do to help you feel more loved?” I love my husband with all my heart, but I know I can always do a better job at showing it. So I decided to ask my husband these questions that same night!
After dinner, before I got up to start the dishes, I suddenly got very nervous. Just as I was getting ready to ask the official “Love Tank” questions, I realized I haven’t been doing much to intentionally make him feel loved lately. My husband is a very kind and gentle man, but he’s also honest, so I knew he wouldn’t sugar-coat his answer. I also have been overwhelmed with life in general these days and to be honest, I thought to myself, “I don’t possibly think I could accomplish one more thing in my day or put one more item on my To-Do list”. Ever felt like that? (If you’re a mom, I’m sure you’ve felt that way too often- or is it just me?!?) .
Well, imagine my surprise when his answers included mostly small things that I can easily fit into my day. One example was that he loves it when the baby and I meet him at the door when he gets home from work. Since I can hear his diesel truck coming a mile away, that’s more than easy! :) He said he’d also like more dates nights with just the two of us. What a great idea! My apprehension was quickly laid to rest and now I have a tailored-made list directly from my husband of great ways to make him feel loved.
So, ladies, what do you think? Is tonight the night you’ll ask your “Love Tank” questions? I definitely encourage you to do so!
Love,
Jaime
Jaime
PS Oh! I forgot to mention my “score”. It was a very generous 8- I am sure I would have scored myself much lower than that :).
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Safeguard your Spouse Sunday: Enjoying Intimacy
This article was written by Natalie and posted here on Passionate Homemaking. It's a topic about which RWAV ladies have shown concern and been very responsive so we appreciate Natalie sharing via PH!
Imagine for a moment: one night, you sit down on the couch next to your husband, put your feet up to relax, and start talking. You’ve been waiting all day to tell him what’s on your mind.
He turns to you, rolls his eyes a little, and grumbles, “Well, honey, it’s my joooob to listen to you jabber about your day, the kids, and what you made for dinner, so (sigh…) go ahead. But keep it short.”
(Tension in the air.)
This imaginary story hardly begs an explanation! Let’s draw it out anyways.
Duty vs. Desire
We wives can never be satisfied with less than being enjoyed, loved, and adored. Especially when it involves romantic, mushy-gushy things like…talking. A dutifully-listening husband would just not cut it.
OK. Now, time to flip it around.
Don’t our husbands want the same kind of treatment from us? They want us to enjoy, love, cherish, desire, and delight in them! Especially when it involves romantic, mushy-gushy things like…well, you know what they love! I think we all know how important intimacy is to our husbands. The real question is, how can a wife rise above duty (merely being “available” for, or present during, intimate times), to really love and adore her husband? Let’s put ourselves in our husbands’ shoes, and think it through.
A husband wants his wife to honor him by being delightfully interested in spending intimate time together! What does that mean? A wife shows genuine interest when she pursues not only his, but also her own enjoyment.
(Crickets.)
Some wives might say that’s not selfless or truly loving. Let’s go a step further and work through it.
This is the part that really rocks my socks: that pursuing my enjoyment in intimacy with my husband is good, because my marriage should reflect the Christian’s pursuit of delight in God!
Whoa. Unpacking time.
Delight in God
John Piper says the way we glorify God is by enjoying him. It’s not complicated. If I love God…think he’s wonderful, awesome, and amazing, doesn’t that say something about him? Doesn’t that show him honor?
Here are some of my fave scriptures that tell how we should be absolutely tickled at God…and that we get to be with him:
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11)
My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God. (Psalm 84:2)
Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. (Psalm 73:25)
Oh, to be enraptured with God, to derive our greatest pleasure and happiness from him!
Delight in Your Husband
Likewise, in marriage, if you were absolutely delighted by being with your husband, wouldn’t that honor him for all that he is?
Don’t you, deep down, want to be caught up in delight and pleasure with your husband?
Every woman dreams of that. But when your husband is less than loving …when he hardly inspires delight and adoration…when you have no extra love to overflow…
God answers our womanly dream. He is the perfect inspiration of delight to our feminine hearts.
You shall no more be termed Forsaken,
and your land shall no more be termed Desolate,
but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her,
and your land Married;
for the LORD delights in you,
and your land shall be married.
For as a young man marries a young woman,
so shall your sons marry you,
and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
so shall your God rejoice over you.
Isaiah 62:4-5
Give of that overflow, to your husband…and love it!
Some Practical Tips
- Pray that you will love marital intimacy.
Do this first. You cannot have real love and delight for your husband unless God places it in you.
- Meditate on Bible passages that describe God’s love and delight in you. (See my favorites above)
Allow God to heal your soul from believing you’re not loved, pursued, or don’t deserve to enjoy your marriage. You don’t, but Christ bought it for you. Use scripture to tell your soul to receive it.
- Take responsibility for your role.
If you have a passive attitude about intimacy, and you think it’s your husband’s job to make it fun for you, sorry. You get out what you put in.
- If you’re not “there yet”, don’t give up.
Discouragement can be your worst enemy. Don’t create self-fulfilling prophecies in your head. “Well, it’s never been all that great up till now…” Hope. Learn. Keep trying. Relax. It’s not supposed to be that difficult!
- Talk honestly with a trusted older married lady friend.
- Know your body.
It’s not magic! Learn about your physical makeup and what “tends” to work.
- Read books. In this order, I like:
A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy, Dr. Douglas Rosenau
Intended for Pleasure, Ed and Gaye Wheat
The Act of Marriage, Tim LaHaye
- Establish traditions and routines.
- Break traditions and routines! (Sometimes.)
Keep it varied and FUN.
- Pray again that you will love marital intimacy.
You might feel you’ve tried everything. Ask God to help you understand yourself. “He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you.” (Isaiah 30:19)
What will you do to improve on/continue to show your delight in your husband?
Imagine for a moment: one night, you sit down on the couch next to your husband, put your feet up to relax, and start talking. You’ve been waiting all day to tell him what’s on your mind.
He turns to you, rolls his eyes a little, and grumbles, “Well, honey, it’s my joooob to listen to you jabber about your day, the kids, and what you made for dinner, so (sigh…) go ahead. But keep it short.”
(Tension in the air.)
This imaginary story hardly begs an explanation! Let’s draw it out anyways.
Duty vs. Desire
We wives can never be satisfied with less than being enjoyed, loved, and adored. Especially when it involves romantic, mushy-gushy things like…talking. A dutifully-listening husband would just not cut it.
OK. Now, time to flip it around.
Don’t our husbands want the same kind of treatment from us? They want us to enjoy, love, cherish, desire, and delight in them! Especially when it involves romantic, mushy-gushy things like…well, you know what they love! I think we all know how important intimacy is to our husbands. The real question is, how can a wife rise above duty (merely being “available” for, or present during, intimate times), to really love and adore her husband? Let’s put ourselves in our husbands’ shoes, and think it through.
A husband wants his wife to honor him by being delightfully interested in spending intimate time together! What does that mean? A wife shows genuine interest when she pursues not only his, but also her own enjoyment.
(Crickets.)
Some wives might say that’s not selfless or truly loving. Let’s go a step further and work through it.
This is the part that really rocks my socks: that pursuing my enjoyment in intimacy with my husband is good, because my marriage should reflect the Christian’s pursuit of delight in God!
Whoa. Unpacking time.
Delight in God
John Piper says the way we glorify God is by enjoying him. It’s not complicated. If I love God…think he’s wonderful, awesome, and amazing, doesn’t that say something about him? Doesn’t that show him honor?
Here are some of my fave scriptures that tell how we should be absolutely tickled at God…and that we get to be with him:
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11)
My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God. (Psalm 84:2)
Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. (Psalm 73:25)
Oh, to be enraptured with God, to derive our greatest pleasure and happiness from him!
Delight in Your Husband
Likewise, in marriage, if you were absolutely delighted by being with your husband, wouldn’t that honor him for all that he is?
Don’t you, deep down, want to be caught up in delight and pleasure with your husband?
Every woman dreams of that. But when your husband is less than loving …when he hardly inspires delight and adoration…when you have no extra love to overflow…
God answers our womanly dream. He is the perfect inspiration of delight to our feminine hearts.
You shall no more be termed Forsaken,
and your land shall no more be termed Desolate,
but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her,
and your land Married;
for the LORD delights in you,
and your land shall be married.
For as a young man marries a young woman,
so shall your sons marry you,
and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
so shall your God rejoice over you.
Isaiah 62:4-5
Give of that overflow, to your husband…and love it!
Some Practical Tips
- Pray that you will love marital intimacy.
Do this first. You cannot have real love and delight for your husband unless God places it in you.
- Meditate on Bible passages that describe God’s love and delight in you. (See my favorites above)
Allow God to heal your soul from believing you’re not loved, pursued, or don’t deserve to enjoy your marriage. You don’t, but Christ bought it for you. Use scripture to tell your soul to receive it.
- Take responsibility for your role.
If you have a passive attitude about intimacy, and you think it’s your husband’s job to make it fun for you, sorry. You get out what you put in.
- If you’re not “there yet”, don’t give up.
Discouragement can be your worst enemy. Don’t create self-fulfilling prophecies in your head. “Well, it’s never been all that great up till now…” Hope. Learn. Keep trying. Relax. It’s not supposed to be that difficult!
- Talk honestly with a trusted older married lady friend.
- Know your body.
It’s not magic! Learn about your physical makeup and what “tends” to work.
- Read books. In this order, I like:
A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy, Dr. Douglas Rosenau
Intended for Pleasure, Ed and Gaye Wheat
The Act of Marriage, Tim LaHaye
- Establish traditions and routines.
- Break traditions and routines! (Sometimes.)
Keep it varied and FUN.
- Pray again that you will love marital intimacy.
You might feel you’ve tried everything. Ask God to help you understand yourself. “He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you.” (Isaiah 30:19)
What will you do to improve on/continue to show your delight in your husband?
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Safeguard Your Spouse Sunday: When you have a great one-liner...
My lifelong BFF, Anna, gave our family a subscription to Thriving Family for Christmas last year and we love it. If you aren't familiar, it is a wonderful magazine by Focus on the Family that ministers to every family scenario (single parent, divorced family, blended family, "traditional" family).
This article convicted me not long ago. I'm sure I'm not alone. :)
When You Have a Great One Liner
by Janine Petry
I don't have a problem with respect — it's showing respect to my husband that I can't quite get the hang of.
Showing disrespect has become a modern marriage pastime. We laugh as our favorite on-screen wives make fools out of their husbands, and before long we're talking like these leading ladies.
Here are some ways we show disprespect:
Here's how I've been making the transition from casual disrespect to intentional respect: I start with prayer, asking God to change my heart and my attitude. I also listen carefully to my words. Finally, I replace rudeness with words that exhibit honor for the husband God gave me.
These alternatives show respect:
This article originally appeared in the January/February, 2011 issue of Thriving Family magazine. Copyright © 2010 by Janine Petry.
I think one of many great "hands on" examples of implementing below is CC's (aka Musing Foodie) recent post on "Chicken Parm-With or Without The Attitude?"
If you want to put yourself "out there," feel free to encourage your fellow sisters on the Roof through the week by sharing the way God blessed the "filtered" feedback/reaction you gave your husband vs. a reaction you wanted to give. Cue the song "It's Only Graaaace..." :)
This article convicted me not long ago. I'm sure I'm not alone. :)
When You Have a Great One Liner
by Janine Petry
I don't have a problem with respect — it's showing respect to my husband that I can't quite get the hang of.
Showing disrespect has become a modern marriage pastime. We laugh as our favorite on-screen wives make fools out of their husbands, and before long we're talking like these leading ladies.
Here are some ways we show disprespect:
- Witty one-liners are clever ways to get the last word. Example: "You can tell me how hard work is after you birth three children."
- Sarcasm uses mocking words to strike at him personally. Example: "That's your best idea yet; got any more?"
- Misplaced laughter ridicules him, whether or not he's around. Example: "He actually thinks those look good together."
- Demeaning reminders imply a lack of trust. Example: "So are we actually going to see you on time today?"
Here's how I've been making the transition from casual disrespect to intentional respect: I start with prayer, asking God to change my heart and my attitude. I also listen carefully to my words. Finally, I replace rudeness with words that exhibit honor for the husband God gave me.
These alternatives show respect:
- Ask questions: Give him a chance to express himself. Example: "What made work so difficult today?"
- Keep it simple: Make clear statements about issues. Example: "I'm not sure that's going to work. Are there any other options?"
- Encourage: Choose words that highlight his individuality. Example: "I love that he's daring enough to wear that."
- Tell the truth: Express concerns and affirm positive changes. Example: "It's been really hard for us when you're late; I appreciate you making the effort to get home earlier."
This article originally appeared in the January/February, 2011 issue of Thriving Family magazine. Copyright © 2010 by Janine Petry.
I think one of many great "hands on" examples of implementing below is CC's (aka Musing Foodie) recent post on "Chicken Parm-With or Without The Attitude?"
If you want to put yourself "out there," feel free to encourage your fellow sisters on the Roof through the week by sharing the way God blessed the "filtered" feedback/reaction you gave your husband vs. a reaction you wanted to give. Cue the song "It's Only Graaaace..." :)
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Restoring Hope
I used to soak up the romantic movies that told the story of a young girl pursing her life’s calling while one day, unexpectedly, her prince charming finds her. Their love, friendship and passion is unmatched and all consuming. She becomes the center of his life and he is driven and inspired by the power of their love to overcome all things.
As I would start to fantasize about my own life and how the story would continue after the movie was over the script would look similar to what follows. I would play the support and encouragement role in my husband’s, family’s, neighbors’ and friends’ lives. I would be self-sufficient and in need of no one, but able to discern how desperately everyone else needed me. I was called and chosen as a special and unique ambassador for the cross. I was to give entirely of myself and God would supply all I needed without the help of anyone in this world. As the story unfolds I would be blessed with four beautiful, intelligent, charismatic and successful children. I would live to a peaceful old age where I would be surrounded by laughter, a growing family, and life long friends. At my funeral there is only standing room in a beautiful stained glass church where the pastor speaks only words of awe and inspiration based on my life and the legacy I will leave behind. Tears flow from every eye because the memories are tender but laughter also abounds as friends and family reflect on the good times. God is present in the room in a special and moving way. The family I leave behind change the world and my legacy continues on. As the church empties and everyone says their goodbyes, my husband takes a few moments alone to kiss my hand once again and say his tearful goodbyes. My children and their families watch from the back of the auditorium feeling so proud and so loved by their parents, knowing that we will all meet again in the kingdom of heaven.
Rewind to reality... Girl is desperately seeking a man to love her. She is 18 and broken hearted after her high school love has betrayed her and left her heart shattered in pieces. She is on a summer trip with her youth group where she is spending her last summer at home on the beach in Florida for a week. Tall handsome boy sweeps her off her feet after a sand volleyball game and some tootsie pops. He does everything he can to win her love and even moves across the country to be with her. He abandons everything he might have pursued in order to make her happy. In the mean time the years are passing by and she is unsure that he is really the answer to all her dreams. They have an up and down relationship and even a broken engagement. After seven years they finally marry in a fairytale wedding but things quickly decline once the wedding day is over. Expectations are misplaced, roles are unclear, pride, control, selfishness and arrogance are the center of the marriage. Death before divorce she feels strongly in her heart and hopes the Lord will free her from this horrible mistake she has made. He also is so unhappy and feels like he is worthless to her and does everything he can to avoid her manipulation and control. He is faithful, loyal to the death, but also feels trapped. As the years roll by three boys are born to them and they move into a dream home, picture perfect life while achieving outwardly the success of the world and inwardly feeling like complete failures.
Little by little, as her life and marriage are secretly falling apart, the Lord is whispering in her heart. It start with the book Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. A popular book that begins with a simple prayer, “Lord, change me.” A 5:30am prayer group begins and four women get on their knees and pray, “Lord, change me.” After a year of praying together friendships divide and life turns them in different directions but the Lord is still with them all and will not forget their pleas for Him to work in each of their hearts. Babies are born, seasons are changing and a new friend and mentor enters her life. The Lord now whispers through her council, “I can change you, I will change you, you are not stuck in your natural weakness.” He also speaks a profound word that is now not so subtle. Words that changed her life as a young girl now begin to change her marriage and the way she views her husband. The Lord speaks, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made and so is your husband. See him in this way and I will show you how wonderful I created him to be. Let Me mold him and you learn to love him as he is not as you have created him to be in your own mind.” The words pierce through her heart and she prays, “Ok Lord, I don’t know if this will work but I am desperate for change.” She begins to let the Lord change her heart and even as she resist at times He is faithful to pursue her. Difficulties arise and failures occur daily but slowly she starts to see the man he really is, the man God created him to be.
It takes a shocking twist of events in her picket fence world to force her into a surrender mode. The call comes shortly after Christmas right before her ninth wedding anniversary. Her father has been having affair with a woman who called her mother a friend. It is as if his betrayal is so damaging that is pierces not one, not two but three hearts deeply. His wife and two daughters are devastated each in different ways yet painfully united in the hurt of this man they all loved and looked up to as the patriarch of their family. In this moment the Lord spoke to her, “I am all you need, I will never leave you, I am faithful, forgiveness comes by me alone.” The umbilical chord was cut. She didn’t realize how the ties to her family had not allowed her to fully submit and enter into the oneness God desired for her and her husband. The two literally become a new family and she had been blinded up to this moment in her life. Freedom and peace began to cover her as she starts to live in the role God has given her.
Time allows her to forgive her father and herself. Time allows her husband the ability to trust the changes she promises. Nothing happens in a day but slowly over the course of trial and error God is able to mold and shape, to heal the wounds, to use the scars as reminders, and to grow and bear fruit in areas that were dormant or dying. One thing becomes clear: the Lord pursues those who cry out to him with broken hearts and is faithful in all His promises.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice,
O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise. Psalm 51:16-17
As I would start to fantasize about my own life and how the story would continue after the movie was over the script would look similar to what follows. I would play the support and encouragement role in my husband’s, family’s, neighbors’ and friends’ lives. I would be self-sufficient and in need of no one, but able to discern how desperately everyone else needed me. I was called and chosen as a special and unique ambassador for the cross. I was to give entirely of myself and God would supply all I needed without the help of anyone in this world. As the story unfolds I would be blessed with four beautiful, intelligent, charismatic and successful children. I would live to a peaceful old age where I would be surrounded by laughter, a growing family, and life long friends. At my funeral there is only standing room in a beautiful stained glass church where the pastor speaks only words of awe and inspiration based on my life and the legacy I will leave behind. Tears flow from every eye because the memories are tender but laughter also abounds as friends and family reflect on the good times. God is present in the room in a special and moving way. The family I leave behind change the world and my legacy continues on. As the church empties and everyone says their goodbyes, my husband takes a few moments alone to kiss my hand once again and say his tearful goodbyes. My children and their families watch from the back of the auditorium feeling so proud and so loved by their parents, knowing that we will all meet again in the kingdom of heaven.
Rewind to reality... Girl is desperately seeking a man to love her. She is 18 and broken hearted after her high school love has betrayed her and left her heart shattered in pieces. She is on a summer trip with her youth group where she is spending her last summer at home on the beach in Florida for a week. Tall handsome boy sweeps her off her feet after a sand volleyball game and some tootsie pops. He does everything he can to win her love and even moves across the country to be with her. He abandons everything he might have pursued in order to make her happy. In the mean time the years are passing by and she is unsure that he is really the answer to all her dreams. They have an up and down relationship and even a broken engagement. After seven years they finally marry in a fairytale wedding but things quickly decline once the wedding day is over. Expectations are misplaced, roles are unclear, pride, control, selfishness and arrogance are the center of the marriage. Death before divorce she feels strongly in her heart and hopes the Lord will free her from this horrible mistake she has made. He also is so unhappy and feels like he is worthless to her and does everything he can to avoid her manipulation and control. He is faithful, loyal to the death, but also feels trapped. As the years roll by three boys are born to them and they move into a dream home, picture perfect life while achieving outwardly the success of the world and inwardly feeling like complete failures.
Little by little, as her life and marriage are secretly falling apart, the Lord is whispering in her heart. It start with the book Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. A popular book that begins with a simple prayer, “Lord, change me.” A 5:30am prayer group begins and four women get on their knees and pray, “Lord, change me.” After a year of praying together friendships divide and life turns them in different directions but the Lord is still with them all and will not forget their pleas for Him to work in each of their hearts. Babies are born, seasons are changing and a new friend and mentor enters her life. The Lord now whispers through her council, “I can change you, I will change you, you are not stuck in your natural weakness.” He also speaks a profound word that is now not so subtle. Words that changed her life as a young girl now begin to change her marriage and the way she views her husband. The Lord speaks, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made and so is your husband. See him in this way and I will show you how wonderful I created him to be. Let Me mold him and you learn to love him as he is not as you have created him to be in your own mind.” The words pierce through her heart and she prays, “Ok Lord, I don’t know if this will work but I am desperate for change.” She begins to let the Lord change her heart and even as she resist at times He is faithful to pursue her. Difficulties arise and failures occur daily but slowly she starts to see the man he really is, the man God created him to be.
It takes a shocking twist of events in her picket fence world to force her into a surrender mode. The call comes shortly after Christmas right before her ninth wedding anniversary. Her father has been having affair with a woman who called her mother a friend. It is as if his betrayal is so damaging that is pierces not one, not two but three hearts deeply. His wife and two daughters are devastated each in different ways yet painfully united in the hurt of this man they all loved and looked up to as the patriarch of their family. In this moment the Lord spoke to her, “I am all you need, I will never leave you, I am faithful, forgiveness comes by me alone.” The umbilical chord was cut. She didn’t realize how the ties to her family had not allowed her to fully submit and enter into the oneness God desired for her and her husband. The two literally become a new family and she had been blinded up to this moment in her life. Freedom and peace began to cover her as she starts to live in the role God has given her.
Time allows her to forgive her father and herself. Time allows her husband the ability to trust the changes she promises. Nothing happens in a day but slowly over the course of trial and error God is able to mold and shape, to heal the wounds, to use the scars as reminders, and to grow and bear fruit in areas that were dormant or dying. One thing becomes clear: the Lord pursues those who cry out to him with broken hearts and is faithful in all His promises.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice,
O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise. Psalm 51:16-17
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Safeguard your Spouse Sunday: Write You Husband a Thank You Letter
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10
"How good and pleasant it is when fellow believers live in unity." Psalm 133:1
"May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else" 1 Thessalonians 3:12
As I think back on the last year, I realize how thankful I am for my husband! I am getting ready to write thank you cards to everyone for all the gifts they blessed my family with and I had this thought.
Your husband is your help mate and your best friend. It is so hard at times to see past the daily routine we have in this life of a mom and I tend to take him for granted. I think that he has to be here and he has to provide. But what a privaledge to have husband who cares.
By the sacrifices and decisions that he makes for us is really why I am here today. He is the leader of this family and I so often forget to thank the one I love the most.
There are so many good things in both of your lives that sometimes by taking this step back it helps me see what God has provided for me and my family. How his grace and salvation for me is better than anything on this earth.
I pray for all your families will have a great 2011! How fun would it be if we all commented on one thing that we are thankful for about our husbands!
"How good and pleasant it is when fellow believers live in unity." Psalm 133:1
"May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else" 1 Thessalonians 3:12
As I think back on the last year, I realize how thankful I am for my husband! I am getting ready to write thank you cards to everyone for all the gifts they blessed my family with and I had this thought.
Your husband is your help mate and your best friend. It is so hard at times to see past the daily routine we have in this life of a mom and I tend to take him for granted. I think that he has to be here and he has to provide. But what a privaledge to have husband who cares.
By the sacrifices and decisions that he makes for us is really why I am here today. He is the leader of this family and I so often forget to thank the one I love the most.
There are so many good things in both of your lives that sometimes by taking this step back it helps me see what God has provided for me and my family. How his grace and salvation for me is better than anything on this earth.
I pray for all your families will have a great 2011! How fun would it be if we all commented on one thing that we are thankful for about our husbands!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Communication
Ladies:
The past several weeks I have seen an unhealthy trend in the marriages around me... miscommunication! She says one thing, he hears another. He says something, she hears another. Both are listening for what they want to hear and are formulating a defense without giving pause to think about what the other is really trying to say. Here are two simple examples:
Husband says,"You sure are grumpy lately."
She hears you are a failure as a mother and wife
He is trying to communicate I would like to be close with you, I desire your love
Wife says, "I won't live in a marriage like this"
He hears I want a divorce, I am through with you
She is trying to communicate I want to work on our marriage, I desire a full life with you
The problem is we are all selfish in our flesh and without a greater vision we cannot see beyond our limited vision. God is the great "I am". He is all knowing and can see everything in completion, beginning to end. If we yield our hearts to Him, He can guide in a way everlasting. His love is greater than any love we can offer one another and His ways are beyond anything we can ask or think.
I am not a mind reader and I bet you are not either. The only one capable of changing your spouse or you is God almighty himself. Instead of focusing on what we "think" we hear I would challenge you to start praying the simple prayer, "Lord change me." Either when trying to share your heart with your spouse or listening when he is trying to communicate with you, ask the Lord to help you discern what is true and what the heart of the matter really may be. God sees the big picture and in that I put my hope and trust.
Still growing up!
Annie
Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power (the Holy Spirit of God) that works within us,to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."
The past several weeks I have seen an unhealthy trend in the marriages around me... miscommunication! She says one thing, he hears another. He says something, she hears another. Both are listening for what they want to hear and are formulating a defense without giving pause to think about what the other is really trying to say. Here are two simple examples:
Husband says,"You sure are grumpy lately."
She hears you are a failure as a mother and wife
He is trying to communicate I would like to be close with you, I desire your love
Wife says, "I won't live in a marriage like this"
He hears I want a divorce, I am through with you
She is trying to communicate I want to work on our marriage, I desire a full life with you
The problem is we are all selfish in our flesh and without a greater vision we cannot see beyond our limited vision. God is the great "I am". He is all knowing and can see everything in completion, beginning to end. If we yield our hearts to Him, He can guide in a way everlasting. His love is greater than any love we can offer one another and His ways are beyond anything we can ask or think.
I am not a mind reader and I bet you are not either. The only one capable of changing your spouse or you is God almighty himself. Instead of focusing on what we "think" we hear I would challenge you to start praying the simple prayer, "Lord change me." Either when trying to share your heart with your spouse or listening when he is trying to communicate with you, ask the Lord to help you discern what is true and what the heart of the matter really may be. God sees the big picture and in that I put my hope and trust.
Still growing up!
Annie
Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power (the Holy Spirit of God) that works within us,to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Action verses Words
Ladies:
There are two scenarios in a marriage (ok there are more but for time sake let's pretend there are two!):
1) Wife verbally downloads information to her husband and husband tries to fix her problems. Wife does not want a fix just someone safe to listen to her.
2) Husband verbally downloads problems to wife and wife tries to fix them. Like the first scenario, husband just wants wife to listen.
In my house we often act out scene number 2. My husband works alone for most the day and comes home ready to share the thoughts he has been pondering throughout his day and just need to verbally download on me. Now, I am a woman of action and solutions. I hear a problem and I instantly start problem solving. I do have an analytical mind and love a good problem, so I often see the daily conflicts my husband faces as an "opportunity" to find a solution. After a night of talking through things I often file the information in the discard pile and wake up for the next days challenges. My husband on the other hand often process the information for days, weeks, months, years!! After ten years of marriage I have learned to listen, keep listening and let him continue to talk out his problem without offering up any solution until my advice is solicited. Even when my advice or opinion is solicited, I must chose my words wisely (often the fewer the better), keep my tone supportive(don't align with the opposing team) and NOT try and fix anything(let him be a man, I am not his mommy).
I share this to offer up support to all of us who are control freaks, peace makers, and problem solvers. God's word is rich with advice to us as wives and there are several verses that have spoken to me often from my heart as I began to act out in ways that were not the most loving and honoring of my husband.
The first example of timing and tone is with Queen Esther. If you read through Esther and look at chapter 5 and 7 you will see Esther has something very important she wanted to discuss with her husband, the king. She put together a great meal, invited him and a friend and let the night play out without hurrying into her request. Instead of bringing it up that night she decided to WAIT and have another dinner. Timing was everything. God still had to move in her husbands heart to prepare him in advance for the response he would give to her request. Since she was patient and prayerful, God honored her and an entire nation of people!
The last verse I share is one for those whose husband may not know the Lord or may be living a life disobedient to the Lord (which could be any of us at any moment!):
God is master of the universe and can handle all things just fine without us getting our two cents in. Most the time God wants us to listen to Him and watch Him work. I love 2 Chronicles 20:15 where the Lord tells King Jehoshaphat and the men of Judah, "Don’t be afraid and don’t panic because of this huge army! For the battle is not yours, but God’s!" then it goes on to say in verse 17 "You will not fight in this battle. Take your positions, stand, and watch the Lord deliver you".
Ladies, stand and watch the Lord deliver you and your family today!
Crazy in love with my husband,
Annie
There are two scenarios in a marriage (ok there are more but for time sake let's pretend there are two!):
1) Wife verbally downloads information to her husband and husband tries to fix her problems. Wife does not want a fix just someone safe to listen to her.
2) Husband verbally downloads problems to wife and wife tries to fix them. Like the first scenario, husband just wants wife to listen.
In my house we often act out scene number 2. My husband works alone for most the day and comes home ready to share the thoughts he has been pondering throughout his day and just need to verbally download on me. Now, I am a woman of action and solutions. I hear a problem and I instantly start problem solving. I do have an analytical mind and love a good problem, so I often see the daily conflicts my husband faces as an "opportunity" to find a solution. After a night of talking through things I often file the information in the discard pile and wake up for the next days challenges. My husband on the other hand often process the information for days, weeks, months, years!! After ten years of marriage I have learned to listen, keep listening and let him continue to talk out his problem without offering up any solution until my advice is solicited. Even when my advice or opinion is solicited, I must chose my words wisely (often the fewer the better), keep my tone supportive(don't align with the opposing team) and NOT try and fix anything(let him be a man, I am not his mommy).
I share this to offer up support to all of us who are control freaks, peace makers, and problem solvers. God's word is rich with advice to us as wives and there are several verses that have spoken to me often from my heart as I began to act out in ways that were not the most loving and honoring of my husband.
The first example of timing and tone is with Queen Esther. If you read through Esther and look at chapter 5 and 7 you will see Esther has something very important she wanted to discuss with her husband, the king. She put together a great meal, invited him and a friend and let the night play out without hurrying into her request. Instead of bringing it up that night she decided to WAIT and have another dinner. Timing was everything. God still had to move in her husbands heart to prepare him in advance for the response he would give to her request. Since she was patient and prayerful, God honored her and an entire nation of people!
The last verse I share is one for those whose husband may not know the Lord or may be living a life disobedient to the Lord (which could be any of us at any moment!):
1 Peter 3:1-4 "In the same way, wives, be subject to your own husbands. Then, even if some are disobedient to the word, they will be won over without a word by the way you live, when they see your pure and reverent conduct. Let your beauty not be external – the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes – but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God’s sight."
God is master of the universe and can handle all things just fine without us getting our two cents in. Most the time God wants us to listen to Him and watch Him work. I love 2 Chronicles 20:15 where the Lord tells King Jehoshaphat and the men of Judah, "Don’t be afraid and don’t panic because of this huge army! For the battle is not yours, but God’s!" then it goes on to say in verse 17 "You will not fight in this battle. Take your positions, stand, and watch the Lord deliver you".
Ladies, stand and watch the Lord deliver you and your family today!
Crazy in love with my husband,
Annie
Monday, January 11, 2010
Cutting the cord
In recent days and over the course of my marriage I have had the opportunity to either unite with my husband or oppose his position on issues relating to my family. Backing up a bit... I grew up the oldest of two girls who were the best of friends and a mom who was very present in our lives. On the other hand my father was an introverted workaholic who was around only for fun and never took much interest in disciplining us or pouring wisdom into our lives. He was the good guy and my mom was the bad (so I thought). As children we form views of our parents based on a reality that is not mature or objective. We are seeking love, security and approval as children and we will mask according to our unmet needs. I love my family and they are very important to my life. So important, that for many years I had not cut the cord in my heart. It was as if I had left the boat my family was traveling on and jumped into another with my husband but still was holding on to the anchor connected to my parents boat. I could not set sail with Mike because the boat my new life was on was being dragged along with my parents.
There have many many frustrating arguments between Mike and I where he would bring up things he saw that may have not been healthy in my family but I took those personally and would get defensive and close my eyes to the truth of what he was saying. God has been faithful in providing me the opportunity to truly cut the cord and form a healthy bond to my husband. The first opportunity I took was two years ago when my dad cheated on my mom. That was a turning point that led me to turn to Mike and see what a great and wise man I had married. The second is a recent family feud where I have been given the chance to either stand by my husband or turn from him in order to side with my family. I was talking with my mom and out of mouth came words I never thought were possible, "Above all people I chose my husband." PRAISE and GLORY all to the father who has not given up on my stubborn will.
God is patient and loving. He can do anything and He does not see time as we do. If you are struggling in your marriage don't give up. It is never too late for change while you still have life on earth. The greatest prayer I ever learned from reading Stormie Omartians book The Power of a Praying wife was "Lord change me." I started praying that five years ago and God has been doing it ever since.
Looking at the Bible:
I challenge you to read through the Genesis 2 account of the creation of the man and woman and the union as one flesh. There is more biblical information than I have time or space to write so please follow this link, read through the passage and look at the notes with each verse.
Questions based on verse 24:
1) For what reason?
2) What does it mean to leave?
3) What does it mean to unite?
4) What does it mean to be one flesh?
All the answers are on net.bible.org
Learning to let go!
Annie
There have many many frustrating arguments between Mike and I where he would bring up things he saw that may have not been healthy in my family but I took those personally and would get defensive and close my eyes to the truth of what he was saying. God has been faithful in providing me the opportunity to truly cut the cord and form a healthy bond to my husband. The first opportunity I took was two years ago when my dad cheated on my mom. That was a turning point that led me to turn to Mike and see what a great and wise man I had married. The second is a recent family feud where I have been given the chance to either stand by my husband or turn from him in order to side with my family. I was talking with my mom and out of mouth came words I never thought were possible, "Above all people I chose my husband." PRAISE and GLORY all to the father who has not given up on my stubborn will.
God is patient and loving. He can do anything and He does not see time as we do. If you are struggling in your marriage don't give up. It is never too late for change while you still have life on earth. The greatest prayer I ever learned from reading Stormie Omartians book The Power of a Praying wife was "Lord change me." I started praying that five years ago and God has been doing it ever since.
Looking at the Bible:
I challenge you to read through the Genesis 2 account of the creation of the man and woman and the union as one flesh. There is more biblical information than I have time or space to write so please follow this link, read through the passage and look at the notes with each verse.
Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Questions based on verse 24:
1) For what reason?
2) What does it mean to leave?
3) What does it mean to unite?
4) What does it mean to be one flesh?
All the answers are on net.bible.org
Learning to let go!
Annie
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Your husband, a Masterpiece
Ladies:
I was having a conversation with a young woman who has been married about a year and is expecting their first child in January. We talked back and forth about the struggles of the first year of marriage along with the struggles of becoming parents. She has a lot on her plate and I wanted to encourage her in her marriage because it feels like yesterday I did not know how I was going to persevere through the same trials.
In thinking over the past ten years, I am able to see a few of my "mistakes" and wrong thinking in and about my marriage. One of the greatest gifts a woman gave me was telling me to look at my husband as the Lord sees him and not as I want to see him. Simple, powerful and completely life changing. If I look at my husband as "fearfully and wonderfully made" then that knocks out all arguments against him that he is not God's perfect masterpiece. It is like looking at a painting and wanting it to have different colors, shapes, and images. If I want the painting to be different then it is not what the artist was inspired to create. I need to sit back look over the painting and appreciate the design that was given to the piece. There is a lot of art out there and it is all very different and unique. The same with God's creation of His children.
The point is to look at your husband as a masterpiece of the Lord and appreciate who he is today and look forward to what God will do with him tomorrow if He chooses to give him another day. Life is a vapor, a mist, fleeting and then we are gone. Chose to live today in this moment content with where God has you while looking forward to your glorious meeting with Him someday face to face.
In Love with my Husband,
Annie
I was having a conversation with a young woman who has been married about a year and is expecting their first child in January. We talked back and forth about the struggles of the first year of marriage along with the struggles of becoming parents. She has a lot on her plate and I wanted to encourage her in her marriage because it feels like yesterday I did not know how I was going to persevere through the same trials.
In thinking over the past ten years, I am able to see a few of my "mistakes" and wrong thinking in and about my marriage. One of the greatest gifts a woman gave me was telling me to look at my husband as the Lord sees him and not as I want to see him. Simple, powerful and completely life changing. If I look at my husband as "fearfully and wonderfully made" then that knocks out all arguments against him that he is not God's perfect masterpiece. It is like looking at a painting and wanting it to have different colors, shapes, and images. If I want the painting to be different then it is not what the artist was inspired to create. I need to sit back look over the painting and appreciate the design that was given to the piece. There is a lot of art out there and it is all very different and unique. The same with God's creation of His children.
The point is to look at your husband as a masterpiece of the Lord and appreciate who he is today and look forward to what God will do with him tomorrow if He chooses to give him another day. Life is a vapor, a mist, fleeting and then we are gone. Chose to live today in this moment content with where God has you while looking forward to your glorious meeting with Him someday face to face.
In Love with my Husband,
Annie
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Back to Dating...
Ladies:
A simple way to safeguard your marriage is to have regular time alone with your mate. Setting aside time without kids, without other people and just hanging out is a powerful way to show your husband he is important to you. I mention the part without other people because I know the temptation is to invite another couple to go out with you. I love people, I love hanging out with my friends and their husbands BUT you need alone time on a regular basis so that there is time to just enjoy one anothers company.
Now, don't tell me that you don't want to leave your kids with a babysitter or there is NO ONE to watch them. Ladies...LET GO! God is sovereign over your children. Yes, make wise choices in who you leave your kids with but get busy researching and find someone to help you out so you can have time alone with your husband. Ask friends, ask neighbors, look at who is serving in your church nursery, ask family, look into a credible nanny service that does background check and interview different people! There are trustworthy people out there you just have to make the effort and ask God to help you find someone.
The date night doesn't have to be elaborate and expensive. Depending if it is day or night you can...pick up fast food and take it to a park for a picnic, take a walk around a community hike and bike trail, walk around the mall and window shop, have coffee at Starbucks and just talk, go dancing, think about what you did when you were dating and just settle into your husbands lead and remember the times you thought he was "amazing, wonderful, and the man of your dreams!"
Warning: This may be awkward at first if it has been years since you were alone without your children. Take it one step at a time and you will be amazed at how showing your husband you need to have alone time with him will soften his heart and open his mouth to telling you what is in his head. I pray you all rekindle the passion you felt when you first fell in love.
Love, Annie
PS Make sure you get yourself looking your best for him as well!
A simple way to safeguard your marriage is to have regular time alone with your mate. Setting aside time without kids, without other people and just hanging out is a powerful way to show your husband he is important to you. I mention the part without other people because I know the temptation is to invite another couple to go out with you. I love people, I love hanging out with my friends and their husbands BUT you need alone time on a regular basis so that there is time to just enjoy one anothers company.
Now, don't tell me that you don't want to leave your kids with a babysitter or there is NO ONE to watch them. Ladies...LET GO! God is sovereign over your children. Yes, make wise choices in who you leave your kids with but get busy researching and find someone to help you out so you can have time alone with your husband. Ask friends, ask neighbors, look at who is serving in your church nursery, ask family, look into a credible nanny service that does background check and interview different people! There are trustworthy people out there you just have to make the effort and ask God to help you find someone.
The date night doesn't have to be elaborate and expensive. Depending if it is day or night you can...pick up fast food and take it to a park for a picnic, take a walk around a community hike and bike trail, walk around the mall and window shop, have coffee at Starbucks and just talk, go dancing, think about what you did when you were dating and just settle into your husbands lead and remember the times you thought he was "amazing, wonderful, and the man of your dreams!"
Warning: This may be awkward at first if it has been years since you were alone without your children. Take it one step at a time and you will be amazed at how showing your husband you need to have alone time with him will soften his heart and open his mouth to telling you what is in his head. I pray you all rekindle the passion you felt when you first fell in love.
Love, Annie
PS Make sure you get yourself looking your best for him as well!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Home Alone, Safe and Sound!
"I cried out to the LORD, and He heard me from His temple in Jerusalem. Then
I lay down and slept in peace and woke up safely, for the LORD was
watching over me."
-Psalm 3: 4-5 The Living Bible Translation
I lay down and slept in peace and woke up safely, for the LORD was
watching over me."
-Psalm 3: 4-5 The Living Bible Translation
My husband travels a lot with his job. From our early days of marriage, his job would take him out of town for 2 weeks at a time as the organization he works for was moving it's headquarters to the Charlotte, NC area and he was assisting with the move. Now, he travels quite often, usually once a month anywhere from 3-12 days at a time.
I've had to get used to it, and with two small children, this can be very hard at times. You never realize how hard it is to parent until you have to do it alone. 24/7. Everything---meals, entertaining, baths, discipline. Whenever friends hear that I am single-mommying it, I usually hear these responses:
I've had to get used to it, and with two small children, this can be very hard at times. You never realize how hard it is to parent until you have to do it alone. 24/7. Everything---meals, entertaining, baths, discipline. Whenever friends hear that I am single-mommying it, I usually hear these responses:
1. "How do you do it? I would go visit my parents for the week!"
2. "I couldn't do it. I would go absolutely crazy being alone for that long without help!"
3. "Don't you get scared staying alone? I would be terrified!"
Well, I would be lying if I didn't say that all of these haven't been true before and sometimes still are. To answer the first question, now that I have children, it isn't as easy to just pick up and go to my parent's or in-law's houses for the week as it was before I had them. The kids are involved in different activities and we have our weekly routines, although it is a lot easier in the summer time. And to add in the second question, yes it is hard at times with no help. Both of our families live at least 2 hours away, leaving us with no family in town. I have to mentally get in the frame of mind that I will be the only parent to these children for "X amount of days". I will say it usually gets harder at the end of the time that my husband is away, especially the last day, and the 4:00-7:00 hours of the day are pure chaos at our house, with the kids screaming or whining and me about to go over the edge! One thing that helps me and my attitude is to hire a babysitter for a night sometimes just so I can go out to Bible study or go run some errands---alone! I also try to have one thing planned to do each day so that we can get out of the house. We meet friends at parks, or just go to Target to walk around. A change of scenery and getting around other people is a big help!
2. "I couldn't do it. I would go absolutely crazy being alone for that long without help!"
3. "Don't you get scared staying alone? I would be terrified!"
Well, I would be lying if I didn't say that all of these haven't been true before and sometimes still are. To answer the first question, now that I have children, it isn't as easy to just pick up and go to my parent's or in-law's houses for the week as it was before I had them. The kids are involved in different activities and we have our weekly routines, although it is a lot easier in the summer time. And to add in the second question, yes it is hard at times with no help. Both of our families live at least 2 hours away, leaving us with no family in town. I have to mentally get in the frame of mind that I will be the only parent to these children for "X amount of days". I will say it usually gets harder at the end of the time that my husband is away, especially the last day, and the 4:00-7:00 hours of the day are pure chaos at our house, with the kids screaming or whining and me about to go over the edge! One thing that helps me and my attitude is to hire a babysitter for a night sometimes just so I can go out to Bible study or go run some errands---alone! I also try to have one thing planned to do each day so that we can get out of the house. We meet friends at parks, or just go to Target to walk around. A change of scenery and getting around other people is a big help!
The third question is the one I hear the most. There is something about the sun going down and the night entering into the day that takes down a person's guard and makes them vulnerable. I have to say that I do enjoy putting the kids to bed and knowing that I have the entire night to myself to do whatever I want. But there are times that I sit on the couch and see my dog's ears perk up as if she's heard something and I become a little bit paranoid. And the hardest part? Finally deciding to head on up to bed, while turning the lights off downstairs and walking up the stairs alone. This is when my mind has played tricks on me in the past and I wonder, "Is someone outside watching me through the windows? Do they know I'm going to bed now? ". See?! I would never think things like this during the day, but just because it's dark outside, my mind starts to think crazy things and I don't like it! Then I slip into bed, turn off the lamp on the night stand and usually say a prayer like, "Okay, Jesus. Get us through the night safely. Protect our house and watch over us! PLEASE keep us safe!". This all changed last November.
My husband was on a trip out of the country and our daughter had a school program that we couldn't miss. The babysitter came over to watch our son and after I gave her the instructions for the night, my daughter and I left for her preschool. As I backed out of the driveway, I noticed an old pick up truck parked near our house under a lamp post with just it's parking lights on. "That's kind of strange", I thought but went on my way. Once I got to the school, my mind was very uneasy and I sat through the entire school program praying that God would protect my son and our babysitter. What a relief when I got home and saw the truck gone and everything at home was safe. The next night around the same time, I went to go get our mail and the same truck was in the same spot in the same scenario as the previous night. Our neighbors across the street came home from work as I was getting the mail and they noticed the truck, too. We called the police to report it just as the car pulled away. Normally I wouldn't be scared, but the fact that it was there 2 nights in a row worried me a little. Plus...I was ALONE! That night as I went to bed, I left the outside lights on, the lamps on downstairs and placed our feisty chihuahua in her crate right by the front door. I hesitantly closed my eyes to sleep that night. How strange that the next night, I read these verses in the Bible before I went to bed:
"I cried out to the LORD, and He heard me from His temple in Jerusalem. Then I lay down and slept in peace and woke up safely for the LORD was watching over me." -Psalm 3:5-6
Talk about the Bible speaking at the right moment! It made me so happy to read that and I instantly felt so safe. That same week in my Bible study, the topic was on feeling safe. The passage was discussing that as humans, we go to great lengths to feel safe. We get alarm systems in our homes, we lock our doors and recheck to make sure, we carry mace with us as we walk through dark parking lots, we get dogs to protect us by barking if danger lurks outside. But as Christians, the best security we could ever have is GOD! The power we have just by asking Him to protect and watch over us is amazing. I've always known this but when I read that, with the experience I had had that week, it was like a light going off in my head!
When I told my friends about what took place last November, most of them said, "Donna! You are crazy to stay there by yourself. I would already be at my parent's house!" Believe me, the thought did occur to me. But I realized if I can't feel safe in my own home, with God watching over me and my children, where can I feel safe?
So, now when my husband travels and I turn off the lights to go to bed, I pray Psalm 3:5-6 asking God to help the children and me sleep peacefully and awake safely and I close my eyes knowing that we are safe in OUR home. My husband and protector may not be there physically, but our God is going to protect us with His hedge, as he always does. I know this to be true. If that doesn't make me feel safe and secure, what will?!
When I told my friends about what took place last November, most of them said, "Donna! You are crazy to stay there by yourself. I would already be at my parent's house!" Believe me, the thought did occur to me. But I realized if I can't feel safe in my own home, with God watching over me and my children, where can I feel safe?
So, now when my husband travels and I turn off the lights to go to bed, I pray Psalm 3:5-6 asking God to help the children and me sleep peacefully and awake safely and I close my eyes knowing that we are safe in OUR home. My husband and protector may not be there physically, but our God is going to protect us with His hedge, as he always does. I know this to be true. If that doesn't make me feel safe and secure, what will?!
Love,
Donna
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Portion Control
Each day we eat approximately 3 meals and 2 snacks. If you were to take all the food you were to consume over a one year period and eat it all in one day you just couldn't! You would vomit. You would become sick and even possible die.
I bring this illustration up to get you to focus your mind on what a portion of food looks like. For each of us this may be very different. Male or female, young or old, active or inactive, all these factor play into the portion our stomach can handle. The same is true about out emotional and spiritual tanks. We are each at different stages of growth and maturity. The fact is God is the only one who can judge what enough is for each of us.
Shouting From the Rooftop (as Glenda from Wednesday always says :)
God knows you completely.
He provides all you need perfectly.
He is your portion
Life may consume you but God will provide what you need, as you need it, in the portion He knows you can handle. Relax, enjoy, rest in His care.
I bring this illustration up to get you to focus your mind on what a portion of food looks like. For each of us this may be very different. Male or female, young or old, active or inactive, all these factor play into the portion our stomach can handle. The same is true about out emotional and spiritual tanks. We are each at different stages of growth and maturity. The fact is God is the only one who can judge what enough is for each of us.
Shouting From the Rooftop (as Glenda from Wednesday always says :)
God knows you completely.
1 Corinthians 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.
He provides all you need perfectly.
James 1:5-6 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.
He is your portion
Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Life may consume you but God will provide what you need, as you need it, in the portion He knows you can handle. Relax, enjoy, rest in His care.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
How much is enough?
The current generation of moms are on the go, in the car, every day scheduled, maxed out and exhausted. Thoughts race through our minds wondering if we have managed to fit EVERY opportunity for our children into the week...? Have we provided social, academic, athletic, music and creative thinking time into the lives of our children. Of course we can't forget ourselves so we fit our personal schedules into the rest of our "free time"...working out, keeping up our beauty, networking in the neighborhood, making a little extra cash on the side, contributing to the social well being of our community, calling our local congressman to give our voice on the latest political topic, spiritual growth, emotional recovery over the first thirty years of life.... where does it STOP? Oh, and then there is that man that we married and call the father of our children... yeah he wants our time too!
Here is what God gave us when He created time (roughly):
24 hours a day
-8 hours of sleep a day
-16 hours a day awake
-8 hours for work
after sleep and work we have....
-8 hours a day "free time",
*BONUS...16 hours on Saturday AND Sunday is mandatory rest!
All the "Stuff" we jam in is more than the basic needs He created us with
1) food/water
2) shelter
3) love/relationship with Him and others
Is that ENOUGH TIME? God thought so when He created the heavens and the earth otherwise He would have made things different!
Application/Challenge:
This is hard for me to challenge you because now I am accountable too!
Each day I want you to track your time every day...awake and asleep. This is your week to do data collection. Then at the end of the week I want you to go through and cross through everything that was an "elective" in your daily living. I want us to all pray over the things that we think are important and test that against what God thinks is important. If you have put your trust in Christ the Holy Spirit who dwells in you will reveal the answer to your questions. We are each unique and so it is best to trust God for our individual schedules.
Learning to let God set my schedule,
Annie
Disclaimer: We are all unique and work schedules, baby schedules and other misc things may alter your time allotted in a day compared to the "generic" schedule I have written in the blog. Feel free to sketch out your own time allotment!
Here is what God gave us when He created time (roughly):
24 hours a day
-8 hours of sleep a day
-16 hours a day awake
-8 hours for work
after sleep and work we have....
-8 hours a day "free time",
*BONUS...16 hours on Saturday AND Sunday is mandatory rest!
All the "Stuff" we jam in is more than the basic needs He created us with
1) food/water
2) shelter
3) love/relationship with Him and others
Is that ENOUGH TIME? God thought so when He created the heavens and the earth otherwise He would have made things different!
Matthew 6:25-34“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t there more to life than food and more to the body than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky: They do not sow, or reap, or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you more valuable than they are? And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life? Why do you worry about clothing? Think about how the flowers of the field grow; they do not work or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed like one of these! And if this is how God clothes the wild grass, which is here today and tomorrow is tossed into the fire to heat the oven, won’t he clothe you even more, you people of little faith? So then, don’t worry saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For the unconverted pursue these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has ENOUGH trouble of its own.
Application/Challenge:
This is hard for me to challenge you because now I am accountable too!
Each day I want you to track your time every day...awake and asleep. This is your week to do data collection. Then at the end of the week I want you to go through and cross through everything that was an "elective" in your daily living. I want us to all pray over the things that we think are important and test that against what God thinks is important. If you have put your trust in Christ the Holy Spirit who dwells in you will reveal the answer to your questions. We are each unique and so it is best to trust God for our individual schedules.
Learning to let God set my schedule,
Annie
Disclaimer: We are all unique and work schedules, baby schedules and other misc things may alter your time allotted in a day compared to the "generic" schedule I have written in the blog. Feel free to sketch out your own time allotment!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Fear to Faith
As a child on the outside I appeared like a normal young girl, but on the inside I lived in fear. I feared my parents would divorce, I feared being alone, I feared someone would abduct me, I feared failure, I feared nothing was in my control. My fears paralyzed me and I struggled in the dark to find some form of warm light to rescue me from my internal nightmare.
At ten years old my mother surrendered her life to Christ, in doing so she surrendered her children to Him as well. Even when I did not know Him, He knew me. He was always by my side watching over me until the day I learned His name and asked Him to live in my heart. God is so good and faithful. He rescued me from a life that was doomed for destruction and gave me hope. He took away my fear and replaced it with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
Even though God is good and faithful, the flesh is not. I had ten years of my life controlled by fear that forced me into habits and patterns that were not from God. No one ever told me to "let go and let God." Instead I had to survive, to protect, to preserve myself. My struggle for control did not suddenly disappear when I accepted Christ as my savior. I had to learn how to yield my will to the Father; I had to learn what the Father's will was. I was given a heart transplant but my earthly body remained. While we live in the body on earth we are in the process of renewing our minds day by day. God sees us as saints, we are righteous before His throne but because of the nature of our earthly vessel we are still capable of sin and we often become victim to its temptations. No one is good, not one.
I am here to shout from the rooftop that there is hope for those who place their faith in Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross because we are no longer a slave to sin, no longer powerless to temptation, no longer alone in our battles.
Life Application: Take time to ask God to reveal what battle you are fighting that you need to hand over to the Father. Ask God to reveal where you are relying on your own strength, knowledge and power and turn it over to the sovereign Lord on high!
Marriage Application: same as above...focus on your marriage struggle, your thoughts, attitudes and actions towards your spouse.
Going deeper: 2 Chronicles 20 is an excellent narrative story which reveals God taking over the battle.
At ten years old my mother surrendered her life to Christ, in doing so she surrendered her children to Him as well. Even when I did not know Him, He knew me. He was always by my side watching over me until the day I learned His name and asked Him to live in my heart. God is so good and faithful. He rescued me from a life that was doomed for destruction and gave me hope. He took away my fear and replaced it with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
Even though God is good and faithful, the flesh is not. I had ten years of my life controlled by fear that forced me into habits and patterns that were not from God. No one ever told me to "let go and let God." Instead I had to survive, to protect, to preserve myself. My struggle for control did not suddenly disappear when I accepted Christ as my savior. I had to learn how to yield my will to the Father; I had to learn what the Father's will was. I was given a heart transplant but my earthly body remained. While we live in the body on earth we are in the process of renewing our minds day by day. God sees us as saints, we are righteous before His throne but because of the nature of our earthly vessel we are still capable of sin and we often become victim to its temptations. No one is good, not one.
I am here to shout from the rooftop that there is hope for those who place their faith in Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross because we are no longer a slave to sin, no longer powerless to temptation, no longer alone in our battles.
Romans 5:3-5 we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; perseverance proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.Our suffering is used to "bring about" that which was given to us the moment we received Christ. The Greek word for bring is katergazomai which means to bring out something that is already present. If you proclaim to be a Christ follower you have the power to overcome anything by the inner strength God has given you through the Holy Spirit.
Life Application: Take time to ask God to reveal what battle you are fighting that you need to hand over to the Father. Ask God to reveal where you are relying on your own strength, knowledge and power and turn it over to the sovereign Lord on high!
Marriage Application: same as above...focus on your marriage struggle, your thoughts, attitudes and actions towards your spouse.
Going deeper: 2 Chronicles 20 is an excellent narrative story which reveals God taking over the battle.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Suffering alongside your mate
There are two types of suffering...
1) Suffering as a consequence to sin
2) Suffering as a testing of our faith
The first one is obvious, cause and effect. We see this daily with our children. You disobey, you suffer the consequence. The second one is more puzzling. The best example of this is in the book of Job. A man who was blameless and upright, fearing God and turning away from evil. If you read through Job 1:6-12 you can see the conversation that takes place between God and Job. God initiates the topic of Job and gives permission to Satan to attack his life. WHAT! Why did the Lord chose to test Job? God is sovereign and He knew the results. Here is what Job says at the end of his trial BEFORE the blessing and restoration of the second half of his life (Job 42:12-17).
Job learned the lesson and was proven faithful to His God but along the way the people around him were less than encouraging to him. As I look at the life of Job I am often brought back to the second chapter where his wife had the following conversation with him:
If you are looking to dig deeper I would recommend a study by Kay Arthur called Living Victoriously in Difficult Times
1) Suffering as a consequence to sin
2) Suffering as a testing of our faith
The first one is obvious, cause and effect. We see this daily with our children. You disobey, you suffer the consequence. The second one is more puzzling. The best example of this is in the book of Job. A man who was blameless and upright, fearing God and turning away from evil. If you read through Job 1:6-12 you can see the conversation that takes place between God and Job. God initiates the topic of Job and gives permission to Satan to attack his life. WHAT! Why did the Lord chose to test Job? God is sovereign and He knew the results. Here is what Job says at the end of his trial BEFORE the blessing and restoration of the second half of his life (Job 42:12-17).
Job 42:5 "I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,but now my eye has seen you."
Job learned the lesson and was proven faithful to His God but along the way the people around him were less than encouraging to him. As I look at the life of Job I am often brought back to the second chapter where his wife had the following conversation with him:
Then his wife said to him, “Are you still holding firmly to your integrity? Curse God, and die!” But he replied, “You’re talking like one of the godless women would do! Should we receive what is good from God, and not also receive what is evil?” In all this Job did not sin by what he said.Job 2:9-10Ladies...since we are one flesh with our husbands we SHARE in his suffering. Not only do we experience trials of our own but we are called to support our husband in his. We are not called to carry the burden but to support the one who is struggling. Wives, we can support through prayer, words of encouragement, a welcoming home and physical affection. You know your husband better than anyone. Ask God to show you how to support him as God has uniquely designed him.
My brothers and sisters, consider it nothing but joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything. But if anyone is deficient in wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without reprimand, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed around by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord, since he is a double-minded individual, unstable in all his ways. James 1:2-8
If you are looking to dig deeper I would recommend a study by Kay Arthur called Living Victoriously in Difficult Times
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Are you making every effort?
This past week I have felt a sadness in my heart because of the events in the marriage of John and Kate Gosselin. I have been watching the show from the beginning and have enjoyed seeing the "reality" in the every day events of their family. I was encouraged to see them speaking openly about the difficulty of parenting and marriage but also proclaiming a dependence of God as their strength. After last season, I was starting to feel a correction in my heart that the way Kate treated her husband was not a good example for the way a "wife of noble character" should act. If they were proclaiming Jesus I was getting scared at what those who are not strong in faith might think about Christian wives.
I have gone through a range of emotion many of which have been judgmental and unforgiving. As I struggled with why this was bothering me the Lord spoke to me today and this is what He showed me. If my husband had not been so committed to me and our family this is how our marriage could have ended as well. I was a prideful, controlling wife, who sought my own agenda and not my husbands. Wow! I was just like Kate. Only by God's mercy and grace am I still married today and actually finding joy with my husband! I am grateful that my husband stuck with me and has endured with me as we have both grown and changed.
The Lord gave me a wonderful reminder through Romans 14. In the passage he says:
This was a great reminder that I am not the judge of others, God is and He will ask for an account when our lives are over. As I live on earth I am called to make EVERY effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification. These verses are clearly written to show that our responsibility to our husbands, our children and those around us is chose to let God be the judge and to love others in a way that shows we are making EVERY effort to live at peace. Jesus is the perfect example of surrendering His own will unto the Father by getting on the cross and allowing himself to be crucified. Because of His sacrifice, we can have everlasting life and happiness with Him. In light of Christ sacrifice, my daily efforts (only by the help of the Lord) to make peace and live for mutual edification in my marriage are small in comparison.
Making every effort one day at a time,
Annie
I have gone through a range of emotion many of which have been judgmental and unforgiving. As I struggled with why this was bothering me the Lord spoke to me today and this is what He showed me. If my husband had not been so committed to me and our family this is how our marriage could have ended as well. I was a prideful, controlling wife, who sought my own agenda and not my husbands. Wow! I was just like Kate. Only by God's mercy and grace am I still married today and actually finding joy with my husband! I am grateful that my husband stuck with me and has endured with me as we have both grown and changed.
The Lord gave me a wonderful reminder through Romans 14. In the passage he says:
vs 12 each of us will give an account of himself to God
vs 13 let us stop passing judgment on one another
vs 19 make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification
This was a great reminder that I am not the judge of others, God is and He will ask for an account when our lives are over. As I live on earth I am called to make EVERY effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification. These verses are clearly written to show that our responsibility to our husbands, our children and those around us is chose to let God be the judge and to love others in a way that shows we are making EVERY effort to live at peace. Jesus is the perfect example of surrendering His own will unto the Father by getting on the cross and allowing himself to be crucified. Because of His sacrifice, we can have everlasting life and happiness with Him. In light of Christ sacrifice, my daily efforts (only by the help of the Lord) to make peace and live for mutual edification in my marriage are small in comparison.
Making every effort one day at a time,
Annie
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