Train Up Tuesday: THE Greatest Love of All

There has been so much to say about Ms. Whitney Houston's death. Much of it reflects sadness not only on how many of us presume she passed, but also over how she chose to live much of her life. She provided so many "anthems" that are considered the "gold standard" in music now. Unfortunately, between the lines of her songs and her life is clearly marked sadness and loneliness unsuccessfully veiled with false self-confidence. And even more unfortunately, these songs really are anthems for this generation.

Consider today "The Greatest Love of All", it speaks of how children today need to be taught well and led, how in her own search for a "hero", she found no one to meet her needs and found loneliness as a result. In attempt to take care of herself, she looked to herself to find that the "greatest love" is "learning to love yourself". Sadly, in the end, she learned that this was not enough after all.

Is this enough for our children? Looking to themselves for their safety, love, acceptance? There HAS to be more that we can teach them! Well, I have GREAT news, WE CAN teach them and show them a better way!

Do you know THE Greatest Love of all? Of course, I'm talking about Christ, primarily. But there is something more I want to share. If you are married, it is your marriage relationship. Read Ephesians 5:22-29 for full context, but read this quote by John Piper:

The main meaning of marriage is to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his church. In other words, marriage was designed by God most deeply, most importantly, to be a parable or a drama of the way Christ loves his church and the way the church loves and follows Christ. This is the most important thing for all husbands and wives to know about the meaning of their marriage.

"Marriage Is Meant for Making Children...Disciples of Jesus, Part 1." (Sermon delivered on June 10, 2007).

I came across this during our youth group's Sunday night gatherings. We are using a resource from "Children Desiring God."

Teaching our children to love, value, and respect the marriage covenant IS the way we can teach them and lead them in the greatest love of all and in leading others towards that. Are you valuing that relationship? Are you doing everything to protect it and honor it, to make it of primary importance to your family? Are you preserving it for your children's sake and the sake of the unchurched? I've mentioned it here before, that Titus 2 isn't there just so we can have happy homes for our own sakes, but so that God's Word isn't dishonored. Do we really believe that?

One of my awesome girls in my 10th-12th grade small group that I am humbled to lead brought up something quite profound. We were discussing Satan's lies and how he makes the "traditional" family look unnecessary or lacking. I asked them why they thought Satan fights so hard to tear down the traditional family and makes divorce look acceptable and desirable. One dear girl said (and I paraphrase poorly), that Satan hates the picture of Christ loving the Church for eternity despite their shortcomings. He seeks to destroy that testimony to the world so that the world won't believe that Christ could really love them that much.

Wow! This is one girl who IS being led properly in her home and is learning to have that Christian worldview. And she is right. Satan does want to fight tooth and nail to blind us and the world to God's love and perfect plan.

Let me leave you with a slightly more inspirational song that you may hear today, in light of the greatest love of all. The message isn't perfect, but if you can "redeem" the lyrics in light of Christ's love for the Church and our love for Him, maybe you'll think a little differently next time you hear "I Was Made to Love Her". Take it, Stevie:

Safeguard your Spouse Sunday: Fillin' Up Those Loooooooove Tanks!

Yesterday, I listened to a Focus on the Family podcast that featured Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the book, The 5 Love Languages.  If you haven’t read this book, I think it’s a must-read for couples.  I’ve even found that it has helped me learn how to love other people in my life better (like a sibling, friend or parent) by tuning into to their specific love language.

On this particular broadcast, Dr. Chapman suggested an exercise for married couples to complete once a week.  He suggested asking your spouse how full their “Love Tank” is on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest rating.  If your spouse says anything less than 10 (which would mean they are soooo filled with love, they couldn’t possibly feel any more love in their life), then the next question he suggests asking is, “What can I do to help you feel more loved?” I love my husband with all my heart, but I know I can always do a better job at showing it.  So I decided to ask my husband these questions that same night!

After dinner, before I got up to start the dishes, I suddenly got very nervous.  Just as I was getting ready to ask the official “Love Tank” questions, I realized I haven’t been doing much to intentionally make him feel loved lately.  My husband is a very kind and gentle man, but he’s also honest, so I knew he wouldn’t sugar-coat his answer.  I also have been overwhelmed with life in general these days and to be honest, I thought to myself, “I don’t possibly think I could accomplish one more thing in my day or put one more item on my To-Do list”.  Ever felt like that?  (If you’re a mom, I’m sure you’ve felt that way too often- or is it just me?!?) . 

Well, imagine my surprise when his answers included mostly small things that I can easily fit into my day.  One example was that he loves it when the baby and I meet him at the door when he gets home from work.  Since I can hear his diesel truck coming a mile away, that’s more than easy! :)  He said he’d also like more dates nights with just the two of us.  What a great idea!  My apprehension was quickly laid to rest and now I have a tailored-made list directly from my husband of great ways to make him feel loved. 

So, ladies, what do you think?  Is tonight the night you’ll ask your “Love Tank” questions?  I definitely encourage you to do so!

Love,
Jaime

PS Oh! I forgot to mention my “score”.  It was a very generous 8- I am sure I would have scored myself much lower than that :).

Safeguard your Spouse Sunday: Enjoying Intimacy

This article was written by Natalie and posted here on Passionate Homemaking. It's a topic about which RWAV ladies have shown concern and been very responsive so we appreciate Natalie sharing via PH!


Imagine for a moment: one night, you sit down on the couch next to your husband, put your feet up to relax, and start talking. You’ve been waiting all day to tell him what’s on your mind.

He turns to you, rolls his eyes a little, and grumbles, “Well, honey, it’s my joooob to listen to you jabber about your day, the kids, and what you made for dinner, so (sigh…) go ahead. But keep it short.”

(Tension in the air.)

This imaginary story hardly begs an explanation! Let’s draw it out anyways.

Duty vs. Desire
We wives can never be satisfied with less than being enjoyed, loved, and adored. Especially when it involves romantic, mushy-gushy things like…talking. A dutifully-listening husband would just not cut it.

OK. Now, time to flip it around.

Don’t our husbands want the same kind of treatment from us? They want us to enjoy, love, cherish, desire, and delight in them! Especially when it involves romantic, mushy-gushy things like…well, you know what they love! I think we all know how important intimacy is to our husbands. The real question is, how can a wife rise above duty (merely being “available” for, or present during, intimate times), to really love and adore her husband? Let’s put ourselves in our husbands’ shoes, and think it through.

A husband wants his wife to honor him by being delightfully interested in spending intimate time together! What does that mean? A wife shows genuine interest when she pursues not only his, but also her own enjoyment.

(Crickets.)

Some wives might say that’s not selfless or truly loving. Let’s go a step further and work through it.

This is the part that really rocks my socks: that pursuing my enjoyment in intimacy with my husband is good, because my marriage should reflect the Christian’s pursuit of delight in God!

 Whoa. Unpacking time.

Delight in God
John Piper says the way we glorify God is by enjoying him. It’s not complicated. If I love God…think he’s wonderful, awesome, and amazing, doesn’t that say something about him? Doesn’t that show him honor?

Here are some of my fave scriptures that tell how we should be absolutely tickled at God…and that we get to be with him:

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11)


My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God. (Psalm 84:2)

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. (Psalm 73:25)

Oh, to be enraptured with God, to derive our greatest pleasure and happiness from him!

Delight in Your Husband
Likewise, in marriage, if you were absolutely delighted by being with your husband, wouldn’t that honor him for all that he is?

Don’t you, deep down, want to be caught up in delight and pleasure with your husband?

Every woman dreams of that. But when your husband is less than loving …when he hardly inspires delight and adoration…when you have no extra love to overflow…

God answers our womanly dream. He is the perfect inspiration of delight to our feminine hearts.

You shall no more be termed Forsaken,
and your land shall no more be termed Desolate,
but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her,
and your land Married;
for the LORD delights in you,
and your land shall be married.
For as a young man marries a young woman,
so shall your sons marry you,
and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
so shall your God rejoice over you.
Isaiah 62:4-5

Give of that overflow, to your husband…and love it!

Some Practical Tips
- Pray that you will love marital intimacy.

Do this first. You cannot have real love and delight for your husband unless God places it in you.

- Meditate on Bible passages that describe God’s love and delight in you. (See my favorites above)

Allow God to heal your soul from believing you’re not loved, pursued, or don’t deserve to enjoy your marriage. You don’t, but Christ bought it for you. Use scripture to tell your soul to receive it.

- Take responsibility for your role.

If you have a passive attitude about intimacy, and you think it’s your husband’s job to make it fun for you, sorry. You get out what you put in.

- If you’re not “there yet”, don’t give up.

Discouragement can be your worst enemy. Don’t create self-fulfilling prophecies in your head. “Well, it’s never been all that great up till now…” Hope. Learn. Keep trying. Relax. It’s not supposed to be that difficult!

- Talk honestly with a trusted older married lady friend.

- Know your body.

It’s not magic! Learn about your physical makeup and what “tends” to work.

- Read books. In this order, I like:

A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy, Dr. Douglas Rosenau

Intended for Pleasure, Ed and Gaye Wheat

The Act of Marriage, Tim LaHaye

- Establish traditions and routines.

- Break traditions and routines! (Sometimes.)
Keep it varied and FUN.

- Pray again that you will love marital intimacy.

You might feel you’ve tried everything. Ask God to help you understand yourself. “He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you.” (Isaiah 30:19)

What will you do to improve on/continue to show your delight in your husband?

Safeguard Your Spouse Sunday: When you have a great one-liner...

My lifelong BFF, Anna, gave our family a subscription to Thriving Family for Christmas last year and we love it. If you aren't familiar, it is a wonderful magazine by Focus on the Family that ministers to every family scenario (single parent, divorced family, blended family, "traditional" family).

This article convicted me not long ago. I'm sure I'm not alone. :)
When You Have a Great One Liner
by Janine Petry

I don't have a problem with respect — it's showing respect to my husband that I can't quite get the hang of.

Showing disrespect has become a modern marriage pastime. We laugh as our favorite on-screen wives make fools out of their husbands, and before long we're talking like these leading ladies.

Here are some ways we show disprespect:

• Witty one-liners are clever ways to get the last word. Example: "You can tell me how hard work is after you birth three children."
• Sarcasm uses mocking words to strike at him personally. Example: "That's your best idea yet; got any more?"
• Misplaced laughter ridicules him, whether or not he's around. Example: "He actually thinks those look good together."
• Demeaning reminders imply a lack of trust. Example: "So are we actually going to see you on time today?"

I've come to understand that the phrase "Women need love and men need respect" is more than just a slogan — it's Scripture (Ephesians 5:33). So I try to use encouraging words to show my husband respect. The opportunities are endless, and my words have the potential to empower my husband to be more of the man God wants him to be. When I'm sincere and he accepts my words, our marriage is strengthened.

Here's how I've been making the transition from casual disrespect to intentional respect: I start with prayer, asking God to change my heart and my attitude. I also listen carefully to my words. Finally, I replace rudeness with words that exhibit honor for the husband God gave me.

These alternatives show respect:

• Ask questions: Give him a chance to express himself. Example: "What made work so difficult today?"
• Keep it simple: Make clear statements about issues. Example: "I'm not sure that's going to work. Are there any other options?"
• Encourage: Choose words that highlight his individuality. Example: "I love that he's daring enough to wear that."
• Tell the truth: Express concerns and affirm positive changes. Example: "It's been really hard for us when you're late; I appreciate you making the effort to get home earlier."

I show respect to my husband because God brought up the subject. It's His way of leading me into a marriage that is blessed as it reflects the loving relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. Marriage has a purpose far greater than my husband's and my relationship. Our unity expressed in love and respect is nothing short of God's witness to the world of His great love.

This article originally appeared in the January/February, 2011 issue of Thriving Family magazine. Copyright © 2010 by Janine Petry.

I think one of many great "hands on" examples of implementing below is CC's (aka Musing Foodie) recent post on "Chicken Parm-With or Without The Attitude?"


If you want to put yourself "out there," feel free to encourage your fellow sisters on the Roof  through the week by sharing the way God blessed the "filtered" feedback/reaction you gave your husband vs. a reaction you wanted to give. Cue the song "It's Only Graaaace..." :)

Free For All Friday: V-Day Sizzles Part II

Happy Friday Ladies! Oh happy day, my husband returns from a week long hunting trip today and I can't wait for him to step off that plane at 4:07 for lots of hugs and kisses. Last Friday I chatted with you about the 5 love languages and what they mean and some ideas on how to become bilingual in these areas. Today, it's about the love of food.

The old adage "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" is undeniably true. I actually read an old church cookbook when I was dating my husband that mentioned a recipe for Chicken Cordon Blue landed a marriage proposal the following week after cooking this meal. OF COURSE I fixed the chicken. I wanted to see if it worked! Only I didn't just stop at the entree, I made a dazzling dessert to seal the deal. Cheesecake and Strawberry filled Chocolate Cups (oh yes honey, you eat the cup too!). Gaze upon these beauties....don't they look delish?



He was wowed and the dessert has been a show stopper ever since. While some will opt for reservations at a restaurant to celebrate, some of the most intimate V-day dinners can be made at home. One year we grilled steaks and fixed the entire meal together, eating in our formal dining room on our China that only gets pulled out for special occasions and my husband wonders why we have it in the first place. Some things men will never understand, thankfully mine just goes along with the pattern I had my heart set on from the time I was born.

You could fix finger foods - fun and filling appetizers that can be eaten picnic style in front of your fireplace with soft music playing and candles everywhere. Put blankets on the floor and have the food on trays beside you. Helloooo chocolate fondue for dessert to feed each other! Strawberries, bananas, pound or angel food cake bites....oh hold me back!

For those with harried schedules, take out for dinner and a movie in can't be beat. Order pizza, go pick up your favorite barbeque or Chinese (Yum PF Changs!) and eat it on the couch while watching a romantic comedy or (if he'll go for it) chick flick. Cozying up on the couch is so romantic - light your fireplace too. Ambiance. Ambiance! For this sweet ending, think Chocolate Lava Cake - how amazing does this look?!....I whipped it up in 8 minutes. They also sell the already made kind at Trader Joes and it rocks the house.



Another fun touch is chocolates on the pillow. Why must it only be reserved for turn down service in fine hotels? Godiva has fun little ballotins...and I can eat my weight in Lindt Truffles.

Whether it's a steak a Morton's, pizza from the local parlor or your favorite chicken casserole, the right atmosphere you create will make all the difference. Low lights, soft music, candles, sitting in a different room, on the floor, in bed - will all set the mood for a 'lovely' evening.

I enjoyed this post on V-day from Angela and she reminds us of some of the fun peripherals that add the extra spark and sizzle. Check it out for a fun reminder.

Have fun planning your romantic holiday!

XO!
CC

Restoring Hope

I used to soak up the romantic movies that told the story of a young girl pursing her life’s calling while one day, unexpectedly, her prince charming finds her. Their love, friendship and passion is unmatched and all consuming. She becomes the center of his life and he is driven and inspired by the power of their love to overcome all things.

As I would start to fantasize about my own life and how the story would continue after the movie was over the script would look similar to what follows. I would play the support and encouragement role in my husband’s, family’s, neighbors’ and friends’ lives. I would be self-sufficient and in need of no one, but able to discern how desperately everyone else needed me. I was called and chosen as a special and unique ambassador for the cross. I was to give entirely of myself and God would supply all I needed without the help of anyone in this world. As the story unfolds I would be blessed with four beautiful, intelligent, charismatic and successful children. I would live to a peaceful old age where I would be surrounded by laughter, a growing family, and life long friends. At my funeral there is only standing room in a beautiful stained glass church where the pastor speaks only words of awe and inspiration based on my life and the legacy I will leave behind. Tears flow from every eye because the memories are tender but laughter also abounds as friends and family reflect on the good times. God is present in the room in a special and moving way. The family I leave behind change the world and my legacy continues on. As the church empties and everyone says their goodbyes, my husband takes a few moments alone to kiss my hand once again and say his tearful goodbyes. My children and their families watch from the back of the auditorium feeling so proud and so loved by their parents, knowing that we will all meet again in the kingdom of heaven.

Rewind to reality... Girl is desperately seeking a man to love her. She is 18 and broken hearted after her high school love has betrayed her and left her heart shattered in pieces. She is on a summer trip with her youth group where she is spending her last summer at home on the beach in Florida for a week. Tall handsome boy sweeps her off her feet after a sand volleyball game and some tootsie pops. He does everything he can to win her love and even moves across the country to be with her. He abandons everything he might have pursued in order to make her happy. In the mean time the years are passing by and she is unsure that he is really the answer to all her dreams. They have an up and down relationship and even a broken engagement. After seven years they finally marry in a fairytale wedding but things quickly decline once the wedding day is over. Expectations are misplaced, roles are unclear, pride, control, selfishness and arrogance are the center of the marriage. Death before divorce she feels strongly in her heart and hopes the Lord will free her from this horrible mistake she has made. He also is so unhappy and feels like he is worthless to her and does everything he can to avoid her manipulation and control. He is faithful, loyal to the death, but also feels trapped. As the years roll by three boys are born to them and they move into a dream home, picture perfect life while achieving outwardly the success of the world and inwardly feeling like complete failures.

Little by little, as her life and marriage are secretly falling apart, the Lord is whispering in her heart. It start with the book Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. A popular book that begins with a simple prayer, “Lord, change me.” A 5:30am prayer group begins and four women get on their knees and pray, “Lord, change me.” After a year of praying together friendships divide and life turns them in different directions but the Lord is still with them all and will not forget their pleas for Him to work in each of their hearts. Babies are born, seasons are changing and a new friend and mentor enters her life. The Lord now whispers through her council, “I can change you, I will change you, you are not stuck in your natural weakness.” He also speaks a profound word that is now not so subtle. Words that changed her life as a young girl now begin to change her marriage and the way she views her husband. The Lord speaks, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made and so is your husband. See him in this way and I will show you how wonderful I created him to be. Let Me mold him and you learn to love him as he is not as you have created him to be in your own mind.” The words pierce through her heart and she prays, “Ok Lord, I don’t know if this will work but I am desperate for change.” She begins to let the Lord change her heart and even as she resist at times He is faithful to pursue her. Difficulties arise and failures occur daily but slowly she starts to see the man he really is, the man God created him to be.

It takes a shocking twist of events in her picket fence world to force her into a surrender mode. The call comes shortly after Christmas right before her ninth wedding anniversary. Her father has been having affair with a woman who called her mother a friend. It is as if his betrayal is so damaging that is pierces not one, not two but three hearts deeply. His wife and two daughters are devastated each in different ways yet painfully united in the hurt of this man they all loved and looked up to as the patriarch of their family. In this moment the Lord spoke to her, “I am all you need, I will never leave you, I am faithful, forgiveness comes by me alone.” The umbilical chord was cut. She didn’t realize how the ties to her family had not allowed her to fully submit and enter into the oneness God desired for her and her husband. The two literally become a new family and she had been blinded up to this moment in her life. Freedom and peace began to cover her as she starts to live in the role God has given her.

Time allows her to forgive her father and herself. Time allows her husband the ability to trust the changes she promises. Nothing happens in a day but slowly over the course of trial and error God is able to mold and shape, to heal the wounds, to use the scars as reminders, and to grow and bear fruit in areas that were dormant or dying. One thing becomes clear: the Lord pursues those who cry out to him with broken hearts and is faithful in all His promises.


You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; 
   
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 
My sacrifice,
O God, is a broken spirit; 
 a broken and contrite heart 
   
you, God, will not despise. Psalm 51:16-17


Safeguard your Spouse Sunday: Write You Husband a Thank You Letter

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10

"How good and pleasant it is when fellow believers live in unity." Psalm 133:1

"May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else" 1 Thessalonians 3:12


As I think back on the last year, I realize how thankful I am for my husband! I am getting ready to write thank you cards to everyone for all the gifts they blessed my family with and I had this thought.

Your husband is your help mate and your best friend. It is so hard at times to see past the daily routine we have in this life of a mom and I tend to take him for granted. I think that he has to be here and he has to provide. But what a privaledge to have husband who cares.

By the sacrifices and decisions that he makes for us is really why I am here today. He is the leader of this family and I so often forget to thank the one I love the most.
There are so many good things in both of your lives that sometimes by taking this step back it helps me see what God has provided for me and my family. How his grace and salvation for me is better than anything on this earth.

I pray for all your families will have a great 2011! How fun would it be if we all commented on one thing that we are thankful for about our husbands!

First Kiss!

This weekend, I witnessed something absolutely spectacular.

My family drove from Atlanta to Rockford, Illinois to see my sweet cousin Bridget get married. The week leading up to the wedding was a whirlwind. Parties, rehearsals, eating, laughing, decorating, cutting up fruit, putting together flower bouquets, you name it. My little boy, Wesley, was one of the ring bearers. He and my nephew walked down the aisle ringing actual bells! Being so busy, I didn't prepare myself for what I was about to see...

Once Wesley and Evan made it down the aisle without any major catastrophes, I had them sit down next to me, and I took a deep breath, for the first time in days. And, then, I watched. I watched as my sweet little cousin walked down the aisle. She was radiant. Her eyes were fixed on Jeremy. I became completely wrapped up in the moment. Everything else around me just faded into the background as I listened to them read each other their vows. Then, the part everyone always looks forward to...the KISS! Well...

Bridget and her fiance, Jeremy, had saved their first kiss for their WEDDING DAY! I mean, this is unheard of! Knowing this, I sat on the edge of my seat, waiting for those words..."You may now kiss the bride!" I even felt myself taking a deep breath for her. It was as if, for just a moment, all of time stood still. I took this picture by the way...the lighting behind them makes them look like they have angel wings.

I'm so proud of this couple. Their first priority was to honor God with their relationship. They are an incredible example. I couldn't help but think, it's only going to get more and more difficult for our children to value purity.

1 Timothy 4:12 Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but be an example for other believers in your speech, behavior, love, faithfulness, and purity.

I love that this verse uses the word purity and not virginity. Virginity is a given here. But to be pure, to be able to stand before your family and God and present yourself PURE to your partner in speech, love, and faithfulness...what a treasure.
Way to go Bridge and Jeremy! I'm so proud of you both. And, Jeremy, thanks for giving me hope that my boys can do the same thing some day!!!

Just for kicks...this is my little Wesley. Before walking down the aisle:and after:

Safeguard Your Spouse Sunday~Marital Advice

photo by The Light Photography

Want some unsolicited marital advice? Well, you have come to the right place! haha! Please don't misunderstand--I have only been married for four years (almost five), so we are still in the infant/toddler stages of marriage. And I certainly don't pretend to have all the answers. I am not a licensed counselor, either. BUT ... over the years I have received some great advice from folks, and I wanted to share--and to hear from you on any great marriage tips that you may have.

Here we go ... in no particular order ...

• Keep your husband happy. I'll start with one that always makes me smile ... if not turn red! LOL! It's from a former co-worker who is older and wiser. This is what she says, ladies: "If you keep your husband happy in the bedroom, he'll be happy in all the other rooms in the house!" I'll leave it at that!
• Forsaking all others. Many of us used this phrase in our wedding vows, but did we truly understand what we were saying? What does it mean to forsake all others? To me, it means that our spouses should come second only to Christ. That means that our spouses come before our parents, our siblings, our friends--and yes, even our children. That one may be a surprise, but it's true. Our children are a product of our love for our spouses--and one day, our children will be grown up and out of the house, which will be occupied with just us and our husbands. So our relationships with our DHs should come first, and vice versa (in case there are any men reading this). I was reminded by a quote I saw in a friend's photobook recently that went something like this: "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." One other thing that comes to mind when I think of "forsaking all others": the women on the Titanic who refused to get into lifeboats because they did not want to leave their husbands. Perhaps they did not understand the gravity of the situation, but it's just something that comes to mind.
  
• Ask for and be free with forgiveness. Some of the most important words in any relationship, in my opinion, are "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?" And "I forgive you." Of course, "I love you" is way up there, too, but seeking and granting forgiveness is so important.
• Ladies, respect your husbands. During our premarital counseling--which I highly recommend, by the way--we learned that men need to feel respected, and women need to feel loved. Do you respect your husband? How do you speak to him? I have to be careful on this one--in my tone of voice and how I word things, especially when I am stressed out. What can I do to make my husband feel respected in our home and when we are out? I try to be aware of this and try not to question him in front of others. I think showing respect means different things to different people.
  
• Men, love your wives. Here's one for the men, and it comes straight from God's word: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). Many times, women get stuck on the Scripture about wives submitting to their husbands. But we mustn't overlook what husbands are called to do: to love their wives as Christ loved the church. And ... gave Himself up for her. What a sacrifice. That is a hard assignment, men. Are you living up to it?
  
• Get counseling if you need it. This is a bit of advice that was shared with us as newlyweds. There is NO SHAME in seeking professional help with the most important relationship you have next to your relationship with Christ. If your spouse refuses to go, then go alone.
  
• Keep Christ at the center of your marriage. I am not going to lie--this one takes work. Pray together. Worship together. Talk about the sermon. Study the Bible together. Or if you can't both go to Bible study, maybe one of you can go and then discuss the lesson with your spouse. As the Bible says in Ephesians 4:12, "a cord of three strands is not quickly broken." The three strands--you, your spouse, and Christ.
  
• Seek God's wisdom. Speaking of the Bible--there is some great marital advice to be found there.
  
• Learn your spouse's love language--and speak it. See http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/.
  
• Pray for each other. I recommend the book The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.
• Guard your heart. Protect and defend and fight for your marriage. As Johnny Cash might say, walk the line! Don't put yourself in a situation that might even look questionable. Watch how you dress and act. Don't share intimate details with people of the opposite sex. I'm sure you know that many affairs start off as friendships ... as affairs of the heart. I'm not saying you can't be friends with people of the opposite sex, but there is a line that is not to be crossed. There are ministers who refuse to be alone with a woman unless it is his wife. What a great policy. Inconvenient? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely.
  

So there you have it. What is your marital advice? I am all for receiving some good tips on improving my marriage. I'd love to hear yours!

A day of rest

Ladies,

All that comes to mind for today is REST! Take time to rest. As wives and moms we tend to stay busy trying to keep up with it all. The Lord created the world we know in six days and on the seventh rested. Genesis 2:2 By the seventh day God completed His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done. If you are spending time on the computer and neglecting the time you have now to sit by your husband and just hang out... go... go where he is and rest by his side. Time that is unscheduled or organized can be good for you and your husband. Think about when you were dating. You went out to the movies, dinner, and just hung out! When is the last time you hung out with you husband? He should be priority over all people and all earthly things. I am not saying we don't need our girlfriends, that is a whole other blog. Enjoy today, for the Lord is coming soon and your time here is short.

Much love from Texas!
Annie

A Day to Let Go

Ladies,

June 1993: boy meets girl, love at first sight.
July 1993-January 2000: emotional roller coaster of dating.
January 15,2000: beautiful fairytale wedding.
January 16,2000: reality.

Marriage is the number one place I see women tested (I can put myself at the top of those women!). We are striving to fulfill the ideal woman's role. Beautiful, intelligent, wise, organized, creative, funny, resourceful, great in bed, patient, loving and kind. We were the princess on our wedding day and somewhere along the way we became the slave girl who is serving everyone elses needs but our own. We are programmed to believe the world revolves around us, the princess, when in fact the world should revolve around the King, KING JESUS!

The motto of Survivor is outwit, outplay and outlast. Who are we kidding! Life is not a competition and we are not the enemy of each other. Why do we become the adversary of our husbands when we are to be his helpmate (Genesis 2:18-25)? Two worlds exist: God and Satan. These are the teams. When we chose to fight against our God given role we are rejecting God and therefor playing on the opposing team. Scary.

The challenge:
1) What area of your marriage are you deceiving yourself or manipulating your husband? Stop what you are doing, close your eyes, and ask God to reveal this to you...He will show you.

2) Take a minute to get on your knees and ask God to release you from the burden of being "strong". Let God come in and reign in the place you keep trying to control. Open your arms in an act of surrender to the King.

3) Go to your husband and confess the area you are trying to take control. Confess any wrong attitude, wrong desire or deceitful words you may have spoken to him this week or over the course of your relationship with him. Tell him you want to work with him and ask him to share any areas he feels you are pushing against him. WOW, being vulnerable is scary but so impacting on our husbands hearts.

4) The most exciting part about God transforming us is shouting it from the ROOF so that we can all share in giving the King the glory. I would love to hear your personal testimony of how God is working in your life today! Post your comment!

Bathroom Towels

My Story:
My husband, Mike, and I have two towel bars, side by side, in our bathroom. Since we moved in our house about a year ago, he never has hung his towel the way I wanted. To give you a little more understanding I fold the towel in half lengthwise and the folded side hangs to the left.

To give him the benefit, I never actually told him in words how I wanted his towel hung. Instead, I thought he would read my mind, observe how I hung my towel and follow my lead BUT Mike was taking his towel, folding it in half lengthwise but the folded side was on the right.

Now, you are thinking this lady is crazy… her husband hangs his towel up what more does she want?! I know, I admit I am very type A. like everything to be in its place and have a sense of order. This ridiculous tale does have a point so hold on...

As God likes to do in my life, He spoke to me through this silly struggle I went through every morning after I hung my towel up and then rehung Mike’s.

As clear as my own voice I heard God say, “fold it his way.”

What?!
My way is the best way, my way is the right way, my way is the only way.
Oh no! Here I go again...independent and unsubmissive to God and my husband.

"Simple. Fold it Mike’s way and then they will be uniform."

Actually, to me, it didn’t matter the direction. I just wanted them to look the same.

I can’t begin to tell you how this trivial task revealed a much deeper need in me to let my husband lead and for me to align myself with his direction. Both ways worked but giving over to his leading was what God desired of me.

The next step was to NOT TO SAY ANYTHING and just start rehanging my towel. So, for several days I would take a shower and then make a conscience choice to fold it the opposite way that came naturally to me. It was a wonderful moment I shared with the Lord each day as I chose to follow Mike.

The impact on me was huge and I felt it was time to share this with my husband. For the record, I am the pride holder in the marriage and I am not good at admitting wrong (Mike is fabulous at this). As we were driving in the car, I looked at him and said, "There is something I need to share with you."

I told him the story and he began to laugh. He said that he thought he had been hanging the towel the way I wanted all the time. From that day forward, he started changing his towel direction (which I didn’t ask him to do)!

A simple moment of communicating with him moved his heart to do something the way I had wanted all along. I think the greatest impact was him seeing me be vulnerable and admit, in humility, the struggle I had been having.

God’s word:
1) Ephesians 5:22 says “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”
Wives, submission is not to be mistaken for control. We do not submit so that they can control us. We submit because we are doing it in reverence to the Lord. If we fail to yield to our husbands, ask their opinion and consider them in our decisions, we are failing to yield to God Himself.

2) 1 Peter 3:1-4 “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”
This verse often comes to mind when I am with my husband. God has taught me to shut my mouth over the fifteen years of knowing my husband. When I shut my mouth, listen, pray for him and let God do His work, Mike hears GOD...not me. When Mike hears my voice, he shuts down.

Application:
At the end of the day, we as wives and/or mothers are all tired and ready to clock out. The joy of motherhood is that our job is NEVER over. The very conflict is in the fact that your job as wife/mother is NEVER over.

We must make the choice today to give our husbands the silent treatment when he comes home. I am not talking about the "angry...I hate you because you left me with these kids all day and you don't know how much I do for you in a day" silent treatment. I am talking about a hug and a kiss when he walks in the door, a smile on your face, an open ear to whatever he wants to tell you...a closed mouth to your opinions and complaints.

Blessings to you all my sisters!
xoxoxo
Annie

Marvelous Monday: Home Sweet Starbucks

This is an inexpensive way to treat your spouse! This entire project cost me $9.50. I already had most of the items around my house. Get your creative juices flowing and you can do it too!It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Busy. Busy. Busy. Things have gotten a little tense in the Richardson household. The boys have gotten into some brawls and Paul and I have been a little "off". I know it's because of our schedule. So, today, instead of grumbling about it, I decided to do something different. Paul has been gone since 5:45 this morning. Long day. The boys and I have spent all morning and afternoon turning our foyer into a mini STARBUCKS! I put Paul's favorite comfy lounge chair next to a little cafe table. (Pulled the chair out of the living room). The best part to me is the little Starbucks logos me and the kids created. Check out the one's Will did...they're pretty good! I can't wait for Paul to get home. He'll see the sign before he walks in. Will and I are going to be his servers. I hope this will help him relax and unwind.

Just one question: Why is Coffee spelled COFFEF? See picture below:

After watching the movie "Fireproof", I decided I would try to do more RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS for my husband. Even on days when I'm ill at him. You know what? It really works. Try it.This was Paul's reaction when he walked in the door! Will and I served him coffee and a piece of biscotti. The Miles Davis music was going and he sat down with a magazine. We left him alone to enjoy his time. I came back 5 minutes later to find him like this:
He was OUT! I turned down the music and let him take a much needed nap. I can't remember the last time this man slept during the DAY! So as for our little project for daddy...it was a SUCCESS!

I have a plaque above the stove in my kitchen that reads "Grace and Peace be unto this place."

A girl in my Bible Study shared with us this week that she and her husband have decided they want their home to be a place of grace and peace.

In the Bible, you see this greeting over and over:

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Grace. Peace. Pondering all of the above made me wonder for myself...exactly what do those two words really mean?

Grace:

Proverbs tells us that the Lord gives grace to the humble or afflicted.

Romans talks about the law and tells us that where sin abounded, grace abounds much more.

2 Corinthians tells us that His grace is sufficient for us and His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

The Lord gives "grace to YOU." It is personal. His grace abounds to YOU. His grace is sufficient for YOU.

The definition of the word "grace" is "freely given and unmerited". Grace is something given to us when we did nothing to deserve it. We can only extend such a grace to our spouses and children if we have the One who has freely given it to us living inside us.

Peace:

Philippians tells us peace comes from God.

John tells us that He gives us peace and not as the world gives so we should not be troubled or afraid.

Ephesians says HE is our peace.

"Peace" means "shalom," "soundness," "free from disturbance." It exists within the soul which is an inward characteristic AND is displayed outwardly. All arrows point towards the simple fact that the only One who gives us peace is God. Like grace, we can only have peace inwardly and extend it outwardly to our spouses and children if we have a personal relationship with Him.

Your husband and children may or may not meet your expectations. You may feel as if your life has reached "rock bottom." You may be facing the effects of betrayal (as we covered last week). Your life may not be what you ever imagined for yourself. Your expectations being met does not equal grace and peace being present in your home. Grace and peace CAN abound in your home. It begins with Jesus. It begins with Him living in YOU.

On this Sunday, if you know Jesus personally, will you join me in thanking Him for the grace and peace only He gives? Ask Him to give you the ability to extend the same grace and peace to everyone that enters your home--beginning with your husband and children.

God bless you!

XOXOXO

-Hannah

As we've mentioned before, if you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, you can right now. All you need to do is click here and it will lead you, step by step, to a new life in Him.

Safeguard Your Spouse Sunday: Betrayal

We've decided to make Sunday's feature on the topic of spouses...loving them, submitting to them, forgiving them, honoring them...SAFEGUARDing them. You name it. We'll cover it.

But why "safeguard?" Let's just take a quick look at Webster for the definition:

1. One who, or that which, defends or protects; defense; protection.

2. A precautionary measure warding off impending danger or damage or injury.

3. An escort providing safe passage through a region especially in time of war.

4. Something that offers security from danger

If you're reading this, chances are you desire (hopefully) all of the above definitions in relation to your marriage but we'll save the "how" for....

...your feature contributor, Annie! If you didn't meet Annie on our introduction of the Women of RWAV, you can learn more about her and her heart for your marriages here. It won't take long before you'll love her to pieces and want to "sop her up with a biscuit." :) Have at it, Annie girl!
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Hi ladies!!!

I know we want to keep things upbeat here but but I am going to "cut to the chase." I keep being faced with people going through marital discord and adultry

March 2006, October 2008 and January 2009 were the three hardest moments of my life.

Three couples who are dear to my heart began the struggle of recovering from a betrayal of their spouse. Two men and one woman chose to look outside their marriages to find love and fulfillment.

I wasn't the spouse but the betrayal affected every part of my life and my soul. If you have experienced this type of betrayal or been the one to betray you know the gut wrenching pain I am talking about. Questions raced through my mind.

Who can I talk to?
How will they survive?
Divorce is not an option, there are precious children, grandchildren involved!

Who do we call?

Who can fix this?
Why? Why? Why!!

I really don't want to be apart of this ministry but feel called to SHOUT from the rooftop that there is hope. Reconciliation is possible and a marriage can survive.

If you can relate to any of the above, there is a ministry called Affair Recovery Center that is a great starting point. They provide great information and resources for anyone facing betrayal from a spouse (including pornography, destructive behaviors, or even inappropriate friendships outside of marriage). On this site you will find:

-31 reasons for anyone entangled in adultery to STOP an affair. (click here)
-A free affair analysis (click here)
-Online recovery groups (click here)
-Many other great tools.

God is the only one who can heal such pain. Forgiveness does not happen with one statement of "I forgive you". I thought that was how this worked...forgive and move forward. Honestly, it takes a long time and many highs and lows to find peace within the relationship. I am no expert but I have seen amazing things happen through this ministry and Rick Reynold's counseling center.

It is a lonely, dark place when a woman or man finds themselves betrayed by their spouse. It can also be a dark place for the betrayer because the sin is entangling their life.

For God, who said, "Light shall shine out of darkness," is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. 2 Corinthians 4:6

Our God who spoke light into the world at the beginning of earthly time has the power to overcome whatever hurt you may have today.

Feel free to email Annie at roofwithaview@gmail.com.

Blessings to all my sisters.
xoxo
Annie