Train Up Tuesday: Red, White and Blue Summer and Remembering

This past Sunday marked a milestone for my family.  It has been 30 years since my father passed away.  I guess you could say he "won" his battle with cancer in the ultimate healing.  I was only 5 at the time, but I'll NEVER forget the flag ceremony at the end of the funeral (my Daddy was a Marine Sergeant who died from complications of a brain tumor, no doubt resulting from work in his line of duty).  To this day, I still have a soft spot for veterans and active servicemen.  

The few memories I have of my father are still quite vivid, for I've replayed them in my mind over and over and over throughout the years.  My younger brother had just turned two a few weeks before Memorial Day that year, so he has no memories, only photos and a few stories.  There isn't much to speak of regarding Dad's extended family (adoption and other situations limiting that) so memories of his childhood are non-existent for us.  So, to commemorate this year, I relied on social networking (FB) and asked friends who knew him way back when to fill us in on any details, stories, glimpses into our Dad's life.  It was WONDERFUL to get back several responses.  Sunday morning, my brother and Mom and I sat down to breakfast together and I shared those stories.  It opened up opportunities to hear some things from my Mom that she might have otherwise not thought of sharing.

Memorial Day is special to me, because I'll NEVER forget.  Perhaps you've lost someone special and close in your life.  Maybe someone special in your life has lost someone.  Don't be afraid of memories.  Don't be afraid to explore them.  Don't be afraid to share them.  Most of our older adult friends have no idea what their little memories of our father mean to my brother and me.  "You look just like him." "You have his eyes."  "You walk like him."  "He was so kind and a gentleman."  "Your father was a good man."  Those simple phrases - they mean a world to some people!  They let you know a life mattered and didn't go unnoticed.  And for children who may not have rich memories on their own, it helps with healing, with putting "pieces together", and with helping to "never forget".  That can be a fear on its on - forgetting.  "What if I can't remember a smell, a voice, a laugh, a touch?!"  Stories from friends and loved ones aid in keeping the memory close to the surface in a good way.

As I've posted before, May through September can be a special time for patriots - Memorial Day, Flag Day, Fourth of July (my Daddy's FAVORITE!), Veteran's Day.  Don't let it all "jumble together".  Go to a ceremony.  Visit the grave of a fallen veteran and reminisce.  Drive down a Main Street and see the flags.  Go to a parade.  Celebrate your liberties. Buy a meal for a veteran.  Send poppies.  Make some Americana crafts.  Share stories, listen to stories of veterans.

Make the most of all of it this summer!  May it be a Red, White, and Blue one!  

-Ashlie

More w/ Wednesday in the Word's Glenda!

On Friday, Glenda did amazing interview along w/ her husband, Preston, with host Jim Wood of the program "Abiding in Christ" aired on Sirius/XM radio. Jim read FINDING HOPE and did an excellent job conveying its message. This interview is especially wonderful because you hear them speak--in a raw way--from a mother's heart and a father's heart. You may also want to become involved in Jim's work of helping troubled young people at Wears Valley Ranch in TN. Here's an mp3 link to the interview: http://tinyurl.com/4qmu7lu

Enjoy and pass it on!

Wednesday in the Word: Glenda on Grace Cafe

If you wanted to hear yesterday's interview with Glenda on Grace Cafe and missed it, you can listen here. She actually begins the interview speaking about her heart for young moms like many of us. Enjoy!

Listen to internet radio with CWA Radio on Blog Talk Radio

Giveaway~Book Release Party!!!!

I mentioned a new book in my Monday post. The exciting thing is this book officially released yesterday! Know what that means? This calls for a RWAV Release party. You know, us RWAV ladies can really cut loose so will you put on your party pants and join in the fun?!?!

Glenda of Wednesday in the Word (who also just so happens to be co-author of the book) and her hubs have offered to give THREE of you Roof with a View ladies a copy (signed upon request) of Finding Hope in Times of Grief. Like I said Monday, this topic may not really excite you now but you nevery know~you may need it for a gift OR want to save it for when you do need it.

SOOOOOO....here's where the fun begins. To be entered into this giveaway, all you need to do is comment here and tell us one of three things (or all of the above).

1. What is your most favorite Bible verse that gives you HOPE when you need it?
2. Tell us something that perplexes you about grief or a burning question about loss that you can't wait to find out the answer to when you get to Heaven.
3. If you have been through loss, what was the very most helpful thing that someone did for you?

Don't be shy! Get in it to win it (and feel free to congratulate the new author while you're at it). :)

Love ya'll,
Hannah

P.S. we'll announce the three winners next Wednesday so you have a week to enter yourself AND round up your peeps to enter, too!

Missing Wednesdays in the Word?

Hey ya'll!

Hope this post finds you enjoying fall and steering clear of these twisters that are picking on the Midwest and us down in the Southeast.

Did any of you wonder what happened to Wednesdays in the Word? Well, Glenda's been a little on the busy side~she had twin grandchildren, her son's wedding in Alaska and a reception for family on her side of the motherland, a traveling husband in ministry and keeping up with the schedule of a teenager at home. Two words...FULL PLATE. Her heart is still very much bent towards young moms b/c that is when scripture became alive to her.

BUT in the midst of all of the above, she was asked to do a book along with her husband about grief and how they found hope in the midst of losing their youngest son. This book will be out in March. In the meantime...

It's clear that there are many, many people that have suffered loss and and are learning to wear the grief that has become their new reality. Because of the need in this realm and the multitudes on facebook, they did not want to delay providing a unique place for grieving people to get together and share, ask questions, but most importantly find HOPE.

If you or someone you know has experienced loss, please visit Finding Hope in Times of Grief on Facebook and share in whatever way you feel led (see the discussion tab). Your experience and thoughts could be the voice of thousands of others that can't muster up the strength to speak and maybe even the catalyst for them to begin healing in some of the most painful parts of their journey. In the meantime, the Lord may even use it to provide unexpected healing for you or a loved one. Regardless, I pray that you and those close to you will gain an even greater sense of hope through having Jesus Christ as your anchor!

Wednesday In The Word: My Child

How great is His love that we should be called children of God.
I John 3:31

Nathan.
My Child.

I always loved His name and I never tired of saying it, even when the tone in which it was said may have meant he was in trouble. He was born November 17, 1980. We quickly learned that he was persistent, articulate and funny. He was a gift from God to Preston and me. We raised Him to understand who God was and what a faith in Christ meant. Nathan came to faith early and always had a keen spiritual insight and discernment about people. He was not perfect and struggled through adolescence which was heartbreaking but recommitted his life to the Lord in 2003. From that moment on, he grew in his faith and all he wanted anyone to know was that Jesus loved them.

My last memories of him was of him telling a grocery clerk, “Jesus Loves You.”

He had an urgency about letting everyone know that fact. Perhaps it was because he was keenly aware of what a life was like when you weren’t assured of God’s love.

We physically said good bye to Nathan for the last time January 6, 2006.

January 24, 2006 the phone rang some time in the evening and I will hear the words forever. “We have found a body.” It was Nathan.

They had found Nathan’s body at the base of Tahquitz Mountain in the cervix of two rocks. It was a climbing accident. I don’t remember much of the next hours but I do remember collapsing on my bathroom floor and screaming, “My Child, My Child. Jesus Help Me.”

Despair overcame my heart in a way that I had never known. The next day as I rocked back and forth in my rocking glider, it was as if God said, “Glenda, Nathan is MY child.”

It hit me like a lightning bolt but was absolutely correct. Preston and I had received Nathan as a gift from God. We had cherished that gift and the part we had to play in that purpose was apparently over. It hurt but this fact had a way of bringing me where I needed to be, closer to Jesus.

I continued to agonize over the severe loss our family felt. I felt an intense grief over never being able to tell Nathan I loved him again and absolute panic over weather he died knowing how much I loved him or how much everyone in our family loved him. I went through his whole life over and over again in my mind. I would laugh when I thought about funny things he would do or say, cry when I thought about how amazingly thoughtful and kind he always was and cry uncontrollably when I would wonder if he knew the tremendous respect and love we had for him. It was the most vulnerable moment of my life. One moment I would feel great joy over all the ways we had been able to watch him accomplish, and then I was weighed down by ways that I could have been a better parent. Every time I would go down the road of defeat, it was as if God would meet me there and assure me over and over that Nathan was His child and he would take care of him now.

I learned early in this sea of grief that God will never leave you or forsake you and He will be faithful to pull youthrough the paths that seem so dark that you can not even find your way because if you know Jesus, You Are His Child.

I began to think about what it meant to be God’s child. My life, Nathan’s life, your life, no one’s life has the depth that God intends for it to have with out being HIS child.

If you have asked Jesus into your heart by asking Him to forgive you of your sins, YOU are HIS child. John chapter 1 verse 12 says. “After you receive and believe you are given the right to become children of God.”

Right there in that verse, your life becomes fuller and begins to unfold with new dimension. You immediately obtain a right that you did not have before. It is the right to be the child of a perfect Father. We are offered a type of life that is only offered to members of His family. I have to realize in the midst of my brokenness over the loss of Nathan, that as Nathan’s parent I was only a shadow of what a parent is. It is only in our relationship with Christ that God shows us a complete picture of what it means to be the most perfect parent. What earthly parent does not want the best and most perfect gifts for their child?! This fact makes me rejoice that I was faithful to train my child in the ways he should go while he was here on earth but when my job was over he was given every good and perfect gift from a perfect heavenly Father! It makes his absence more tolerable even though it still hurt and we miss him. Nathan does not have to deal with anything on this earth that is complicated or difficult anymore. He gets to worship and behold perfection. What parent would not want that for their child?!

That is exciting! You are the child of a perfect Father. No man can ever attain to the perfection of this MIGHTY FATHER. He loves you with perfection, His plans for you are perfect and you can trust Him because He is perfectly dependable. Let’s just take a look at the things that are perfectly God.

His works are perfect. Deut. 32:4

His knowledge is perfect Job 3:4

He makes our way perfect. Psalm 18:32

His law is perfect; it revives the soul. Psalm 19:7

He is perfect in beauty. Psalm 50:2

His power is perfect. II Corinthians 12:9

His gifts are perfect. James 1:17

His Love is perfect.

I don’t know about you but when you lose someone you love to death, nothing seems very perfect. It is hard, but we have to take a deep breath and look at what we face in the light of who God is. He is perfect. Therefore, I can put my sorrow on His shoulders and He will perfectly care for Me and you too. That is a comfort and it makes what I am going through not only bearable but have some meaning.

Are you at a point in your life that you do not know what the next day or minute will unfold for you. I am praying for you that you will not be overcome by fear but that you will rest up against Jesus. He will perfectly love and care for you.

I love you,
Glenda

Miscarriage: One Week Later

Our new double stroller came today.

It is one of those fancy ones, one that is way over priced, one that was such a good deal Tanna (my husband) said I could order it last week.

That was two days before we knew. Two days before we found out our baby's heartbeat had stopped. Two days before my D&C.

It is here, still in the box (of course), and sitting by the door so Tanna can return it to Costco ASAP.

I am supposed to be excited about that stroller. I am supposed to be 11 weeks pregnant.

11 weeks and five days, to be exact. Or, if you want to go by my second pregnancy (which also ended early) ... then I am supposed to be 33 weeks, six days.

Anyone who has ever had a miscarriage knows how important those days are. Each and every one of them.

After my last BFP--which came less than five months after my first miscarriage--I practically could not wait for midnight to pass so I could add another day that I'd made it. Another day in pregnancy. Another day closer to the "safe" second trimester. Another day with no spotting.

In all of the 10 weeks and five days of this pregnancy, I never saw the slightest tinge of pink. Even though, in the beginning, I was a bit nervous every time I went to the bathroom--something you grow accustomed to when you are pregnant again after a loss. I almost expected some spotting. But nothing.

I had some cramping early on, which was concerning, to say the least. But a very strong heartbeat--seen April 28 via ultrasound at seven weeks, two days--gave us confidence that this pregnancy would stick. As my MD said last week, "When you see that heartbeat, you kind of let your guard down a little bit."

Never again.

It has been a rough week, but we got through it.

Last Friday, I went in for a doctor's appointment and ultrasound to check a cyst on my left ovary. The doctor came in, apologized for my wait, and we chatted a bit about prenatal vitamins and how the pregnancy was progressing.

After the nurse came in, we started the ultrasound.

I will never forget the few seconds of silence and then, "Karen, I don't see a heartbeat."

I had been staring at the patient screen, hoping the doctor was looking at my ovary and not our baby, which showed no activity.

I was wrong, though, and I knew it.

"I don't either."

The nurse was so sweet. She immediately handed me some tissues and offered condolences. My doctor was very understanding and sympathetic as well.

A few hours later, I saw him again at the hospital as I was being prepped for the D&C. The procedure was quick, and I was glad to get it over with. I am a big fan of anesthesia, and I highly recommend it.

I cried when they wheeled me away to the OR--not really because I was scared (or maybe I was), but more so because Tanna couldn't come with me.

I remember thinking, "How on earth do fat people fit on these operating tables?" (Those things are SKINNY!) Seriously.

The nurses and hospital staff were great. One nurse said I looked like Jennifer Garner. This is after she said I reminded her of someone and I (jokingly) said, "A celebrity?" (I think in her sympathy for me, she probably thought of any celeb she could that had brown hair about like mine. hahaha) I remember trying to be funny a couple of other times ... perhaps so I wouldn't break down in front of everyone.

I was so worried about being cold. (You know how I am--I am cold when it is 71 degrees.) I had brought my own socks, but they give you some thick slippery socks to wear. I had Tanna grab me some extra warmed blankets in the prep area. The nurses also offered me plenty of blankets, and I was thankful.

In the OR, they had me stretch my arms out to the side on these tables they pulled up next to the skinny table I was on. The next day, I remember my arms and shoulders being so sore, and Tanna said it was probably because they had been stretched out during the procedure.

I am glad I had a D&C and didn't take the drugs my doctor offered to help induce a "natural" miscarriage. He said going the natural route would probably be painful, and he recommended the D&C because of how far along I was and to avoid the pain. Truthfully, I was glad to get it over with. I did not want to be waiting around to have a miscarriage. I have heard of women who have done so and then later had complications, only to have to have a D&C later. It is a personal decision, but the D&C was the best one for me.

On Saturday, I bagged up most of my maternity clothes. I just couldn't stand looking at them in the closet anymore. They have been sitting in there, just taking up space, for almost two years now. We don't have a lot of storage space, and I needed them out of here. (I did keep a few things that were special to me, though.)

On Monday, I dropped off the clothes at Goodwill and also returned some of the cutest layette things I'd bought at Janie & Jack. I did the same thing yesterday at Gymboree. Fortunately for me, no one asked the reason for my returns. I had tried to resist buying anything for this baby out of fear this would happen, but ... well ... I let my guard down. I also told myself that I could always give these clothes as baby gifts (they sure were cute, after all)--but I just didn't want to do that. So I returned. And now we have this cool double stroller to return, too.

As I said, it has been a rough week--and we have lost a lot--but I am thankful because:

• I have a God in heaven who loves me, loves my family, loves the two babies we have lost and the one here with us on earth.
  
• I have an amazing husband who has taken good care of us this week--despite having to work Memorial Day weekend and despite grieving this loss himself. (Don't forget the fathers who mourn the losses of their miscarried babies.)
• I have a beautiful little girl who is the light of our lives.
  
• I have wonderful family and friends. We are so thankful for all of the prayers, cards, notes, flowers and other gifts that have been sent to show that you care and are thinking of us. You don't know how much you all mean to us, and we are so grateful.
• I switched OB practices early on in this pregnancy. I now see a great doctor who does his own ultrasounds. I cannot imagine going through this at my old practice. I cannot imagine--as I have read about several times--an ultrasound tech discovering no heartbeat and then waiting for a doctor to come in and confirm. I am thankful for this new practice for many reasons--including free parking--but the ultrasound thing is a big one right now.
• I made it through this week, and I am glad it is over. Though I will never forget.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."--Psalm 34:18

Wednesday In The Word: His Voice

It was two years after our son, Nathan, died that I cancelled his cell phone. I would call it from time to time just to hear his voice. It was a voice familiar to me because I knew it from the day that he was born. I could recognize his voice or the voice of any of my four children immediately even if there were many other voices in a room.

When our first grandchild was born our whole family would hover over her and watch her move her mouth trying to make a sound. She would work so hard and each of us just hoped that we would be the one to hear the first sound or semblance of a word. We all knew that a day would come and indeed has that we would hear much conversation from her mouth but those first sounds were so precious!

I told my own father on one of his birthdays that I loved his voice. His voice always brought me comfort and direction that was appeciated.

All the voices I have mentioned I recognize because they are voices that speak into my life and days. You have your own familiar voices that bring richness to your life.

As a believer in a Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, we are able to understand and recognize His voice.

The Bible says about His Voice in Psalm 29: 3-9

3 The voice of the LORD is over the waters; the God of glory thunders,
the LORD thunders over the mighty waters.
4 The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is majestic.
5 The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars; the LORD breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.
6 He makes Lebanon skip like a calf, Sirion like a young wild ox.
7 The voice of the LORD strikes with flashes of lightning.
8 The voice of the LORD shakes the desert; the LORD shakes the Desert of Kadesh.
9 The voice of the LORD twists the oaks and strips the forests bare. And in his temple all cry, "Glory!"

From the Rooftop:

THE VOICE OF THE LORD IS POWERFUL

THE VOICE OF THE LORD IS MAJESTIC

THE VOICE OF THE LORD CAN TURN THE DESERT IN YOUR LIFE TO JOY

THE VOICE OF THE LORD CAN PROVIDE TENDER MERCY

THE VOICE OF THE LORD CAN PROVIDE DIRECTION

Do you know HIS voice? He wants to speak to you.

Spend time with Him today even in your busyness and get to know when He is speaking to you. If you commit your days to Him and ask Him for direction He will speak to you. Listen and you will hear. I promise.

I Love You,

Glenda

Free-for-all Friday: Memorial Day

I'll admit that I've known Memorial Day is a patriotic holiday and I've been happy to observe it...largely because it symbolizes a long weekend and the beginning of summer (and pool season!).

Shame on me.

I saw these pictures and the stark reality hit that Memorial Day is SOOOOOO much more...possibly for you.
Some of you have spouses serving our country so we can have the privilege of freedom. Others of you may have even lost your spouses as they served our country in the name of freedom. This weekend, as our country honors your spouses and those that have served, we want to take a minute to honor YOU! I can't imagine...

...saying goodbye to your spouse indefinitely.
...cheerfully holding down the fort alone in their absence.
...celebrating your children's milestones without them.
...hearing all of the political negativity about our soldiers being overseas knowing THAT's what your spouse is wholeheartedly doing.

...being strong for your children when you aren't feeling so strong.
...holidays apart from them.
...the emotional roller coaster.

...not having them there to relieve you when you need a break.

...keeping from being consumed with fear and worry for their safety and well being.
...rounding up your household alone to go to church alone.
...the transition of being the leader of your home in their absence and returning to the submissive, supportive helpmate upon their return.
....being sensitive and attuned to the emotional and physical consequences of what they have encountered during their service.

....the list could go on and on.

You may say, "I'm used to it. I know nothing different." But I say you are also sacrificing for our country and we honor you. God bless you.

Ladies of Roof with a View, please join me in praying for your fellow women in these roles.

If you need some creative ideas to make Memorial Day a special celebration for you family, check out these resources:

Memorial Day Activities for Families
Don't let Memorial Day just be another day on the calendar at your house. Teach your family the true meaning of the day with these patriotic activities for families.

10 Ways to Celebrate Memorial Day : Fun Things for Families to do Together this Holiday

Patriotic Crafts

Feel free to share any special Memorial Day traditions you may have in your own family. Happy Memorial Day!

Wednesday In The Word: Do not despair!

Today, I want to share with you from my heart about what God has shown me through some deep moments of sorrow. I hesitate to do it, because I would prefer to just talk about happy times and experiences, but life in the natural isn't all happy and we need the strength and support that God alone has to offer us. Also, times of sorrow are often the moments that God shows us His strength and enables that strength to then become part of our own character.

I have learned in the past few years that there is a difference between sadness and sorrow. Sadness is a surface wound and sorrow is like a deep cut that takes a long time to heal. My experience in recent days has been sorrow.

There have been days in the past three years that I would be startled by my own sighs of sorrow. I remember one day standing in my kitchen, and honestly, I dont know how long I was standing there, but my trance was broken when I heard my own sighs. I then knew what the Bible is talking about when it speaks of groanings too deep to utter. In the midst of this, the only thing I could do was place my life up against Jesus and let Him carry me. And carry me He has, every step of the way.

This one great scripture has become like my theme over the past three years.

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13

Despair is deep sorrow. I have walked with God long enough to have seen, before our son went to heaven, that God had brought me through many other seasons of life. When Nathan died, I had to decide to remember all the ways that God had shown up in my life in days already passed. The Bible tells us to remember those days because they provide pictures and visible demonstration of His power.

You may be in a season of despair. Your job may be over, you lost a child of your own, you are having financial difficulty or you can fill in the blank. This is what I want to shout from the rooftop this week.

DO NOT DESPAIR.

REMEMBER WHO GOD IS.

THINK ABOUT WAYS HE HAS ALREADY BROUGHT YOU TO THIS POINT.

LEAN ON HIM FOR HE CARES FOR YOU.

We are walking in the land of the living together and I am praying for you that your deep sorrow be turned to joy.

Until we meet on the roof next week.

Blessings,
Glenda