There are two scenarios in a marriage (ok there are more but for time sake let's pretend there are two!):
1) Wife verbally downloads information to her husband and husband tries to fix her problems. Wife does not want a fix just someone safe to listen to her.
2) Husband verbally downloads problems to wife and wife tries to fix them. Like the first scenario, husband just wants wife to listen.
In my house we often act out scene number 2. My husband works alone for most the day and comes home ready to share the thoughts he has been pondering throughout his day and just need to verbally download on me. Now, I am a woman of action and solutions. I hear a problem and I instantly start problem solving. I do have an analytical mind and love a good problem, so I often see the daily conflicts my husband faces as an "opportunity" to find a solution. After a night of talking through things I often file the information in the discard pile and wake up for the next days challenges. My husband on the other hand often process the information for days, weeks, months, years!! After ten years of marriage I have learned to listen, keep listening and let him continue to talk out his problem without offering up any solution until my advice is solicited. Even when my advice or opinion is solicited, I must chose my words wisely (often the fewer the better), keep my tone supportive(don't align with the opposing team) and NOT try and fix anything(let him be a man, I am not his mommy).
I share this to offer up support to all of us who are control freaks, peace makers, and problem solvers. God's word is rich with advice to us as wives and there are several verses that have spoken to me often from my heart as I began to act out in ways that were not the most loving and honoring of my husband.
The first example of timing and tone is with Queen Esther. If you read through Esther and look at chapter 5 and 7 you will see Esther has something very important she wanted to discuss with her husband, the king. She put together a great meal, invited him and a friend and let the night play out without hurrying into her request. Instead of bringing it up that night she decided to WAIT and have another dinner. Timing was everything. God still had to move in her husbands heart to prepare him in advance for the response he would give to her request. Since she was patient and prayerful, God honored her and an entire nation of people!
The last verse I share is one for those whose husband may not know the Lord or may be living a life disobedient to the Lord (which could be any of us at any moment!):
1 Peter 3:1-4 "In the same way, wives, be subject to your own husbands. Then, even if some are disobedient to the word, they will be won over without a word by the way you live, when they see your pure and reverent conduct. Let your beauty not be external – the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes – but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God’s sight."
God is master of the universe and can handle all things just fine without us getting our two cents in. Most the time God wants us to listen to Him and watch Him work. I love 2 Chronicles 20:15 where the Lord tells King Jehoshaphat and the men of Judah, "Don’t be afraid and don’t panic because of this huge army! For the battle is not yours, but God’s!" then it goes on to say in verse 17 "You will not fight in this battle. Take your positions, stand, and watch the Lord deliver you".
Ladies, stand and watch the Lord deliver you and your family today!
Crazy in love with my husband,