How great is His love that we should be called children of God.
I John 3:31
Nathan.
My Child.
I always loved His name and I never tired of saying it, even when the tone in which it was said may have meant he was in trouble. He was born November 17, 1980. We quickly learned that he was persistent, articulate and funny. He was a gift from God to Preston and me. We raised Him to understand who God was and what a faith in Christ meant. Nathan came to faith early and always had a keen spiritual insight and discernment about people. He was not perfect and struggled through adolescence which was heartbreaking but recommitted his life to the Lord in 2003. From that moment on, he grew in his faith and all he wanted anyone to know was that Jesus loved them.
My last memories of him was of him telling a grocery clerk, “Jesus Loves You.”
He had an urgency about letting everyone know that fact. Perhaps it was because he was keenly aware of what a life was like when you weren’t assured of God’s love.
We physically said good bye to Nathan for the last time January 6, 2006.
January 24, 2006 the phone rang some time in the evening and I will hear the words forever. “We have found a body.” It was Nathan.
They had found Nathan’s body at the base of Tahquitz Mountain in the cervix of two rocks. It was a climbing accident. I don’t remember much of the next hours but I do remember collapsing on my bathroom floor and screaming, “My Child, My Child. Jesus Help Me.”
Despair overcame my heart in a way that I had never known. The next day as I rocked back and forth in my rocking glider, it was as if God said, “Glenda, Nathan is MY child.”
It hit me like a lightning bolt but was absolutely correct. Preston and I had received Nathan as a gift from God. We had cherished that gift and the part we had to play in that purpose was apparently over. It hurt but this fact had a way of bringing me where I needed to be, closer to Jesus.
I continued to agonize over the severe loss our family felt. I felt an intense grief over never being able to tell Nathan I loved him again and absolute panic over weather he died knowing how much I loved him or how much everyone in our family loved him. I went through his whole life over and over again in my mind. I would laugh when I thought about funny things he would do or say, cry when I thought about how amazingly thoughtful and kind he always was and cry uncontrollably when I would wonder if he knew the tremendous respect and love we had for him. It was the most vulnerable moment of my life. One moment I would feel great joy over all the ways we had been able to watch him accomplish, and then I was weighed down by ways that I could have been a better parent. Every time I would go down the road of defeat, it was as if God would meet me there and assure me over and over that Nathan was His child and he would take care of him now.
I learned early in this sea of grief that God will never leave you or forsake you and He will be faithful to pull youthrough the paths that seem so dark that you can not even find your way because if you know Jesus, You Are His Child.
I began to think about what it meant to be God’s child. My life, Nathan’s life, your life, no one’s life has the depth that God intends for it to have with out being HIS child.
If you have asked Jesus into your heart by asking Him to forgive you of your sins, YOU are HIS child. John chapter 1 verse 12 says. “After you receive and believe you are given the right to become children of God.”
Right there in that verse, your life becomes fuller and begins to unfold with new dimension. You immediately obtain a right that you did not have before. It is the right to be the child of a perfect Father. We are offered a type of life that is only offered to members of His family. I have to realize in the midst of my brokenness over the loss of Nathan, that as Nathan’s parent I was only a shadow of what a parent is. It is only in our relationship with Christ that God shows us a complete picture of what it means to be the most perfect parent. What earthly parent does not want the best and most perfect gifts for their child?! This fact makes me rejoice that I was faithful to train my child in the ways he should go while he was here on earth but when my job was over he was given every good and perfect gift from a perfect heavenly Father! It makes his absence more tolerable even though it still hurt and we miss him. Nathan does not have to deal with anything on this earth that is complicated or difficult anymore. He gets to worship and behold perfection. What parent would not want that for their child?!
That is exciting! You are the child of a perfect Father. No man can ever attain to the perfection of this MIGHTY FATHER. He loves you with perfection, His plans for you are perfect and you can trust Him because He is perfectly dependable. Let’s just take a look at the things that are perfectly God.
His works are perfect. Deut. 32:4
His knowledge is perfect Job 3:4
He makes our way perfect. Psalm 18:32
His law is perfect; it revives the soul. Psalm 19:7
He is perfect in beauty. Psalm 50:2
His power is perfect. II Corinthians 12:9
His gifts are perfect. James 1:17
His Love is perfect.
I don’t know about you but when you lose someone you love to death, nothing seems very perfect. It is hard, but we have to take a deep breath and look at what we face in the light of who God is. He is perfect. Therefore, I can put my sorrow on His shoulders and He will perfectly care for Me and you too. That is a comfort and it makes what I am going through not only bearable but have some meaning.
Are you at a point in your life that you do not know what the next day or minute will unfold for you. I am praying for you that you will not be overcome by fear but that you will rest up against Jesus. He will perfectly love and care for you.
I love you,
Glenda
I John 3:31
Nathan.
My Child.
I always loved His name and I never tired of saying it, even when the tone in which it was said may have meant he was in trouble. He was born November 17, 1980. We quickly learned that he was persistent, articulate and funny. He was a gift from God to Preston and me. We raised Him to understand who God was and what a faith in Christ meant. Nathan came to faith early and always had a keen spiritual insight and discernment about people. He was not perfect and struggled through adolescence which was heartbreaking but recommitted his life to the Lord in 2003. From that moment on, he grew in his faith and all he wanted anyone to know was that Jesus loved them.
My last memories of him was of him telling a grocery clerk, “Jesus Loves You.”
He had an urgency about letting everyone know that fact. Perhaps it was because he was keenly aware of what a life was like when you weren’t assured of God’s love.
We physically said good bye to Nathan for the last time January 6, 2006.
January 24, 2006 the phone rang some time in the evening and I will hear the words forever. “We have found a body.” It was Nathan.
They had found Nathan’s body at the base of Tahquitz Mountain in the cervix of two rocks. It was a climbing accident. I don’t remember much of the next hours but I do remember collapsing on my bathroom floor and screaming, “My Child, My Child. Jesus Help Me.”
Despair overcame my heart in a way that I had never known. The next day as I rocked back and forth in my rocking glider, it was as if God said, “Glenda, Nathan is MY child.”
It hit me like a lightning bolt but was absolutely correct. Preston and I had received Nathan as a gift from God. We had cherished that gift and the part we had to play in that purpose was apparently over. It hurt but this fact had a way of bringing me where I needed to be, closer to Jesus.
I continued to agonize over the severe loss our family felt. I felt an intense grief over never being able to tell Nathan I loved him again and absolute panic over weather he died knowing how much I loved him or how much everyone in our family loved him. I went through his whole life over and over again in my mind. I would laugh when I thought about funny things he would do or say, cry when I thought about how amazingly thoughtful and kind he always was and cry uncontrollably when I would wonder if he knew the tremendous respect and love we had for him. It was the most vulnerable moment of my life. One moment I would feel great joy over all the ways we had been able to watch him accomplish, and then I was weighed down by ways that I could have been a better parent. Every time I would go down the road of defeat, it was as if God would meet me there and assure me over and over that Nathan was His child and he would take care of him now.
I learned early in this sea of grief that God will never leave you or forsake you and He will be faithful to pull youthrough the paths that seem so dark that you can not even find your way because if you know Jesus, You Are His Child.
I began to think about what it meant to be God’s child. My life, Nathan’s life, your life, no one’s life has the depth that God intends for it to have with out being HIS child.
If you have asked Jesus into your heart by asking Him to forgive you of your sins, YOU are HIS child. John chapter 1 verse 12 says. “After you receive and believe you are given the right to become children of God.”
Right there in that verse, your life becomes fuller and begins to unfold with new dimension. You immediately obtain a right that you did not have before. It is the right to be the child of a perfect Father. We are offered a type of life that is only offered to members of His family. I have to realize in the midst of my brokenness over the loss of Nathan, that as Nathan’s parent I was only a shadow of what a parent is. It is only in our relationship with Christ that God shows us a complete picture of what it means to be the most perfect parent. What earthly parent does not want the best and most perfect gifts for their child?! This fact makes me rejoice that I was faithful to train my child in the ways he should go while he was here on earth but when my job was over he was given every good and perfect gift from a perfect heavenly Father! It makes his absence more tolerable even though it still hurt and we miss him. Nathan does not have to deal with anything on this earth that is complicated or difficult anymore. He gets to worship and behold perfection. What parent would not want that for their child?!
That is exciting! You are the child of a perfect Father. No man can ever attain to the perfection of this MIGHTY FATHER. He loves you with perfection, His plans for you are perfect and you can trust Him because He is perfectly dependable. Let’s just take a look at the things that are perfectly God.
His works are perfect. Deut. 32:4
His knowledge is perfect Job 3:4
He makes our way perfect. Psalm 18:32
His law is perfect; it revives the soul. Psalm 19:7
He is perfect in beauty. Psalm 50:2
His power is perfect. II Corinthians 12:9
His gifts are perfect. James 1:17
His Love is perfect.
I don’t know about you but when you lose someone you love to death, nothing seems very perfect. It is hard, but we have to take a deep breath and look at what we face in the light of who God is. He is perfect. Therefore, I can put my sorrow on His shoulders and He will perfectly care for Me and you too. That is a comfort and it makes what I am going through not only bearable but have some meaning.
Are you at a point in your life that you do not know what the next day or minute will unfold for you. I am praying for you that you will not be overcome by fear but that you will rest up against Jesus. He will perfectly love and care for you.
I love you,
Glenda
6 comments:
This is a beautiful illustration of coming to the realization that our children aren't "ours" and great reminder that we can never be perfect parents (no matter how hard we try) compared to perfect Heavenly Father. I'm proud of you for sharing so personally~especially what the Lord intimately showed you. Thank you for imparting that wisdom with us. It's invaluable!
Wow! What a great post. Glenda, I love reading your insight and your wisdom. Thank you for the reminder that our children are only given to us for a time as gifts.
I am always glad to be reminded that our children belong to the Lord and not to us (even though it's hard to wrap my brain around). He loves them even more than we do. Thank you for sharing this.
Glenda, we have never met, however, your post has touched me in such a deep way as you shared with us your grief and also the love you felt that only our Lord can provide.
Blessings to you, Caroline
I am in tears. Thank you for sharing Nathan with us. Thank you for sharing the Word of God with us each week, and for sharing your heart.
I can add "Amen" as a mother who has faced the loss of a 12 year old son. I had an instant today in which I thought of scheduling a haircut for Andrew and then it hit me again (as it often does), he is not here anymore. No more haircuts.
He never liked them anyway.
Post a Comment